The Blessed Road

First Time for Formula ....and the tears that went along with it

2010-09-06T21:30:00.001-07:00

Today I had been having issues getting a let down while I nursed Tristan and felt like tonight would be the same...and I was right. I had done research online for this problem and found a few suggestions and had been trying them, some I had already tried before. I have been experiencing this problem for the past week, and it has really been upseting me, making things worse, I'm sure...because stress only makes this issue worse. I tried everything tongiht and asked Chris to help by rubbing my feet (he wouldn't) and this really pissed me off. I cannot even say how upset it makes me that he wouldn't help me. Anyways, I tried and tried and nothing worked, to makes matters worse, Tristan wanted to nurse so bad, and it broke my heart and I coudn't feed him the way he wanted. I saw milk and even saw milk when I pumped, but I just felt like if I wasn't getting a let down, then he wasn't getting the milk he needs. I had no other choice but to feed him formula. I know that these days it is healthy and good for babies, it's just that Tristan has never ever had it...he has only had breastmilk. I want to breastfeed him until he is 1 year. I am hoping I will still be able to do this. I pray all the time that I will. I don't understand why I wouldn't get a let down. It broke my heart to have to give him formula. I gave him Enfamil lipil (Pharmacy recomended). 6 ounces, warm. I cried when I made it, I cried when I fed it to him, and I cried afterwards. I am so upset. When I was feeding him, and I would put the bottle down and try to burp him, he would try to nurse and I would start crying more, I felt sooooo horrible, he wanted me and I couldn't feed him....it just tore me to pieces! I continued feeding him and held him and kissed his forehead and told him I loved him. I saw a tear fall from his eye, why was this? I don't know...
He ate almost the entire bottle, but he fell alseep. Sound alseep. I couldn't believe it. I put the bottle down on my nightstand. I stared at him, wondering if he was going to awaken when I got up to walk to his room. Holding him closely, I kissed him on the cheek and nothing, not a sound, he was still alseep, I slowly made my way to his room and gently laid him in his crib. I covered him with his blanky and just stared....I still couldn't believe it....he was alseep and I did nothing really to get him to sleep. No rocking, no music, no special sounds, no patting, no sushing...nothing....nothing but feeding him a warm bottle of milk, well, formula.

Now I am laying in bed. I tried to come back to bed after putting him in his crib and go to sleep, but I found myself listening to his music box, staring at the image that it projects on the celing and just wondering what happened...how did he just fall alseep, and why, oh why did I have to use formula, why oh why couldn't I get a let down. So upset still. Happy that my baby is full and alseep and hoping that it doesn't upset his tummy. I know nothing of formula, but hear that somethimes it can upset thier tummy's when they are exclusive bf babies. I really hope he will be ok tomorrrow. I really hope I get a let down again tomorrow morning and everytime I nurse. I breaks my heart when I think I will have to give him formula again becuase I don't get a let down.

Chris and I are fighting tonight, no kiss goodnight tonight, he went to sleep and left me in the kitchen with the bottl of formula and Tristan. Oh and tears running down from my eyes. I am angry at him tonight, and very hurt. He told me that "it wasn't supose to be like this". I asked for him to explain and he said, in so many words, that I wanted to be a stay at home mom and that he wasn't supose to be doing all the things he was doing, I was supose to be doing it. I became very hurt and told him to go to bed. He did, without any hesitation. I feel empty, hurt, lost, upset.

Just hoping that I can get a let down tomorrow and start feeling better soon. Also hoping I can fall alseep soon, when I am this upset, it is hard to sleep.

Developing Patience

2010-07-29T15:30:00.001-07:00

I have seriously been struggling with patience, and I must admitt, this has, forever that I can remember, been my weakness. Lately, however, this weakness is at 100%, and boy am I struggling.

I pray constantly for me to have more of it, and if it weren't for God helping me endure things, I wouldn't know what would happen. Thank you Lord for teaching me how to have patience, please continue to help me.

Becoming a Patient Woman
29 Jul 2010
Rachel Olsen

"We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need." Colossians 1:11 (NLT)

In a heart that values instant gratification like mine does, patience seems hard to come by.

In the last several weeks I've raced through a yellow light because I didn't want to wait at a red light – that's dangerous! I've looked up my symptoms on the internet because I didn't want to sit in a doctor's waiting room – that can be dangerous too. I've paid extra for an item off the internet because I didn't want to stand in line at the store – that's wasteful. I've also eaten dessert first, because I didn't want to wait until it was "time" for dessert – well, that's just called for sometimes! Though I can't recall a specific instance, odds are high that I lost my patience at some point and fussed at my kids.

We want stuff and we want it now. We want results and we want them now. Yet the Bible repeatedly says that patience should be a way of life for followers of Christ.

God is love and patience is part of His character. For you and I to love like God loves, patience will be required (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Loving as God loves is the ultimate goal as we walk through this life seeking to please God and become like Him.

I define patience as the ability to endure graciously. We all have to deal at times with people or circumstances that try our composure – an ungrateful child, an inattentive waitress, a slow moving line at the cash register, a spouse or friend taking our efforts for granted. How graciously do we behave in these circumstances?

The Bible says God will be faithful to complete the good works He began in us (Phi lippians 1:6). That implies there's going to be some "in the meantime" when we're all less than perfect and less than easy to love. This is where patience comes in. The apostle Paul instructs us to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Eph.4:1-3).

We also have to exercise patience with God as we wait for His full plan to unfold. At times we must wait for answers to prayers, for deliverance, for provision, or for Him to dispense justice or reveal His will. We really have no choice but to wait in these circumstances, but a woman developing patience will endure the wait graciously. It helps to remember how very patient God has to be with us on a daily basis!

Exercising patience isn't just an exercise of the human will. The kind of patience Paul is talking about is a fruit of the Spirit d eveloped in a woman's soul in tandem with God. It's a virtue that grows from her confidence in the sovereignty of God and His ability to bring all things to completion, in His timing, in a way that benefits His children and glorifies Him.

This patience-thing may take some time to develop, but I've decided to graciously endure the process. I started today by stopping and waiting at a yellow light. As I sat at the intersection, I thought about God and about developing patience. The light turned green a mere minute later, and I went on my way with a smile on my face, happy to be a woman who is embracing patience ... even if in a very small way.

Dear Lord, thank You for being so very patient with me. Help me to develop patience, and display that quality for Your glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen

Related Resources:
30 Days to Taming Your Tongue by Deborah Smith Pegues

Visit Rachel's blog – and be patient if it takes a moment to load!

God's Purpose for Every Woman: A Compilation of Favorite P31 Devotions by various Encouragement for Today authors; Lysa TerKeurst and Rachel Olsen, General Editors

Application Steps:
Pray for patience - daily.

Keep the word "patience" in the forefront of your mind today and look for opportunities to be more patient.

Reflections:
Who in my life can benefit from me extending them more patience?

How would becoming more patient change my day, my outlook, my health, or my relationships?

Is my patience stronger than my temper?

Power Verses:
Proverbs 25:15, "Patience can persuade a prince, and soft speech can crush strong opposition." (NLT)

Ecclesiastes 7:8, "Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride." (NLT)

Romans 15:15, "May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other – each with the attitude of Christ Jesus toward the other." (NLT)

© 2010 by Rachel Olsen. All rights reserved.

Words I Must Write

2010-07-16T14:14:00.001-07:00

As I gaze at the pacifier Tristan steadly sucks on, I cannot stop thinking, will it drop out of his pursed lips soon. I remember that Chris told me that I cannot get up until it drops, or he stops sucking on it, which means that he is asleep enough to get up out of the rocking chair (ever so slowly he says) and pace a minute or two. Moving too quickly would startle our strong willed baby boy, and we DO NOT DARE. So, back to where I was, oh yeah, staring, staring at a paci, the miracle that paci is. I am rocking back and forth, back and forth, and my thoughts drift off...in the corner of my eye there is his laundry folded and sorted on his window seat, I need to put that away, of course I've been saying that for a week, why is it not done, oh yeah, THERES BARELY ENOUGH TIME TO GET IT WASHED, thank heavens it is washed. Still, I am a neat freak and it is seriously bothering me now, yes, I will get it done tomorrow when my hubby is home to help me. Quickly my thoughts turn to remembering how much time I USED to have. Boy oh boy were people right, they told me when I was prego to enjoy my time, I did, in a way, but now I realize all the time I REALLY had, and I am disapointed in myself as I recall having honestly wasted SO MUCH TIME. Doing what? I don't even remember, watching tv alot, which is what I had to do alot being on bedrest, but I also wish I had worked on photo books of our wedding, honestly...it is still not complete, 2 years married and no photo book, what is wrong with me. Enough, moving on! Oh yeah, as my eyes move across the room a little I find myself looking at the mold of my prego belly (belly cast) that my hubby did of me, wow, look at that belly! Then I began remembering my belly grow and grow, and then I think about how I barely recognize myself. I mean, I know who I am (I think), but I barely recognize this body, this face. I am a little sad. Then I am angry, not terribly angry, just stating reality, reality that no one I know voiced some of the frustrations I experience. Maybe they never felt it, but I did, I do. I am so in love and blessed to have this beautiful baby boy. He is my miracle, I love him dearly, but sometimes, I must admit that I am striken with guilt for having such little patience, for becoming so helpless, or well, feeling helpless. I think to myself...I need to write a book about Parenthood, A View From Down On My Knees. I would name it this because as a parent, you are ALWAYS on your knees, at least I am. I am on my knees praying, on my knees playing and on my knees cleaning...but on my knees am I. Mostly praying though. I pray for patience today, I am needing it ever so much today. I cannot say why exactly, I just need it. Maybe because today getting Tristan to nap is harder than usual. Maybe because my husband won't answer my call or call me back, or maybe becuase everytime I sit down to do something for myself, I am interupted. Now please do not think for one second that I am not VERY grateful of my baby boy. I am extremely blessed and I love him more than life itself, but I am stating what is true. I am just really wondering why I am the only one (it seems) to feel the way I do.

Watching My Words

2010-07-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

The Valve
9 Jul 2010
Luann Prater

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:5 (NIV)

My husband asked me to pick up some diesel fuel for the tractor. I had his truck and he had put the gas can in a box so it wouldn't tip over. Now, I'm 5'2", so can we just start there? Things that taller-than-me folks can do becomes a bit more of an issue for this vertically challenged gal. I pumped the gas into the can then tried to lift it, not only up to the bed of the truck, but over the top edge of the box. It was then I discovered the little valve cover was open.

A cup of gas escaped through that tiny opening, and strategically ran from the top of my t-shirt to the top of my pants. I panicke d that my cell phone might ring and light my fire! That wasn't the type of flame I was hoping God would fan in my life!

I scrubbed and scrubbed in the shower but the stench of gas remained in my nostrils.

My lips are like that little valve. It is such a small opening, yet the fuel that escapes can be unpleasant, caustic and even deadly. Loose lips have snapped at my family. Harsh tones have left friends feeling poisoned. Careless words have killed the spirit in a vulnerable child.

James tells us that our tongue is like a restless evil full of deadly poison. Ouch! My husband didn't want me to spill that gas; we wanted to use it for good. God doesn't want our tongues to open unless they are going to encourage and spur one another on.

Several years ago I made a very small, but very life-changing decision. When a hurtful thought comes into my head, I tighten my lips and force a pause button to appear in my brain. When I allow myself to have just a second to t hink about the potential hazard that could come from 'speaking my mind' it gives the Holy Spirit time to check my heart and motives. In that pause moment I say, "Lord, take control of this tongue." And He does.

Do I get it right every time? No. But I can see fewer wrecks in my life, fewer wounds, fewer poison-tipped darts flying out of this mouth. And I no longer reek of gasoline I added to the fire.
Want to join me? Pause. Seal up the valve and allow the Holy Spirit to work for good through the words you speak.

Dear Lord, thank You for reminding us that our tongue can rip a heart apart, or seal it back together. Teach us to pause long enough to give Your Spirit time to work in and through us. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Him?
30 Days to Taming Your Tongue: What You Say (and Don't Say) Will Improve Your Relationships and accompanying Workbook by Deborah Smith Pegues

Chat more with Luann on her blog or hear her on Encouragement Café every Saturday!

Self Talk, Soul Talk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Jennifer Rothschild

For more daily encouragement, follow us on Twitter and Facebook!

Application Steps:
Before anything negative slips past your lips today, hit the pause button. Pray that the Holy Spirit take control. Ask God to make you a peacemaker.
Below is todays Proverbs 31 Ministries Devotional. I try to read this daily, and when I do, I am usually encouraged. It's amazing what a few minutes reflecting on God's word can do for my life.

Lately, Chris and I have had our battles and I must admitt it is very challenging to watch my words. One minute I am smiling and being so sweet, and then the next, I am angry, tired and sick of it, and yep...those words start flowing out and they are lighting a fire within my husband, not a good one either, one that is ready to fire back, and then before I know it, were in a knock-down-drag-out-full-force FIGHT, could this have been avoided, perhaps, and perhaps not, but either way, I should have watched my words.

This is and will be a weakness for me, but today...I have hope that maybe, just maybe, I will connect completely with the WORD OF GOD and surrender to HIS WILL and WATCH MY WORDS. I know for certain that doing so will bring MORE PEACE to my home.

I think I fight with whether saying what I feel is SO nessesary to say, is indeed SO nessesary to say, when in the end, it only brings more frustration, more hurt, more anger.

-Darla
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Reflections:
Why do I say things I regret later?

When will I surrender my tongue to Jesus?

How can I allow my words to encourage instead of destroy?

Power Verses:
James 3:17, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." (NIV)

Proverbs 27:15, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." (NIV)
© 2010 by Luann Prater. All rights reserved.

Visiting with Aunt Christie

2010-05-03T17:51:00.000-07:00

We went to visit my sister, and "Aunt Christie" and cousin Dylan. We drove up there, getting there pretty late, around 10 or so. We had a really great dinner. She is an amazing cook! She grilled steak, made salad, green beans and baked potatoes. Her home is beautiful. It was the first time we got to see it.Dylan loved holding Tristan. He was sweet with him. Christie just couldn't stop smiling at Tritan and wanted to hold him and help change his diaper the entire visit. She was simply precious with him. I loved that we were able to hang out with her and Dylan. She is an awesome housekeeper, clean freak like me.

I miss her alot and it meant so much to me to spend time with her. She is such a great Mom, and I am so, so proud of all of her acomplishments. She is a TRUE SURVIVOR. I am more proud of her than ever! I love you sis!

2 Months Old

2010-05-03T17:08:00.001-07:00

At 2 months old you are

*Smiling alot. You smile at Mommy & Daddy mostly. But also at family and some
strangers.

*Eating every 2-3 hours during the day (Breastfeeding only still)

*At night you sleep in your bassinet (in our room,)from about midnight, till 4 or 5 AM, then you wake up, eat (BF),and return to sleep in your bassinet. Then wake up
again a few hours later, eat again and go back to sleep (usually in your swing-in
our room). Mommy and Daddy are finding the sleep routine hard, but we are hoping
that you will be sleeping better soon. Every now and then, you will sleep from
midnight till like 7 AM or so...which is awesome when you can do this.

*To get you to sleep, we give you a bath, massage you a little, nurse you and then
hold you a little bit until you look really sleepy and lay you in the bassinet.
You are still sleeping in our room because we are not comfortable letting you sleep
in your crib in your room until we have a monitor. You do not fall a sleep easy
at night.

*Your favorite time of the day is around 12 noon or sometimes 10:30-11:30...and
you are all smiles and giggly, a very happy baby boy!

*You can hold your neck up by yourself allot, and have great control. Your
strong, and love to kick your legs and fling your arms around. You love to lay
your neck back and strech out, looking all around, up and down.

*We can get you to laugh by tickling you, and this makes us smile so big and laugh
too. We love seeing you smile and hearing you laugh.

*Tummy time is getting better for you and you make allot of noises when your on
your tummy and it appears you like it more and more. You get frustrated though
that you cannot move (or at least it seems so)...

*You have had your first overnight visit, it was at Aunt Christie's house. She
made you laugh too (by tickling you), she loved having you over.

*You attended your first Andel Family Renuinon.

*You don't nap very well, and it is difficult getting you to nap.

*You love to have a bath, and look up at the faucet while leaning your head back
in the water.

*Your still wearing 0-3 clothes. I still love dressing you, your soooo cute!!!

*You really enjoy your swing, thank goodness!

*Your gassy allot, and cry really loud when your upset, hungry or tired.

*Your smile is contagious! We adore you. We are so blessed to have you.

*Your weighing about 12 lbs and are around 24 inches long.

*You had your 2nd overnight visit with Mommy at Mom Mom and Grandad's house while
Daddy did a 24 hour clinical for School. We missed him dearly.

*You had your first playdate, Sophie Sunshine Pollard. You and her are so
different. She seems to be much quieter and shy, whereas, you were smiling and
making all kinds of noises...over all it went well. Just hung out here at home.

*You went to your first visit with your Grandparents in Richmond.
Went well, had dinner at Larry's and visited.

*We are starting to see your expressions more and more and everyone tells us that
you are so cute, and make so many facial expressions, more than most babies.

*Growing up too fast! We love you more and more everyday.

PEFECT LITTLE FEET

2010-04-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

Your little feet are so beautiful! So....I love taking pics of them

Celebrating our 2 Year Aniversary & My Birthday

2010-04-21T22:52:00.000-07:00

This year for my B-Day, I was pregnant and not able to do alot, plus financially we couldn't do much, so we went to Lupe Tortillas the day after my b-day and had a nice dinner.

For our Aniversary this year, again we couldn't afford much, and we had just had Tristan, so we went to dinner (the 3 of us) at Chuy's...the day after our special day, we had a yummy dinner.

A Visit to your Doctor

2010-04-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

Your first visit to your doctor went well. Your dr's name is Dr.Wright, he is a pretty nice guy. You only got upset a little bit when we weighed you and the dr checked you out. But overall you really did good. You weighed around 8 lbs on your first visit. The dr was concerened that maybe you were not getting enough to eat, and advised that we watch your weight closely and nurse often. We were instructed to bring you in again after a few days to check your weight again, and when we did, you had gained a little and he was feeling better about everything.

Your second apt you had with the Dr you got your foot pricked for a blood tests and cried. I had a very hard time with this, watching you cry broke my heart and I cried too.

"Time"

2010-04-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

I know that this will sound weird, but I find myself asking myself what on earth am I going to do with my time. Weird right? Especially strange given that I am a new mom to a 2 month year old...but it is true. Let me try to explain. Last night it hit me that I am waiting all day for what to do next. My time is used so differently, and no, I am in no way complaining, but boy is it different. I told Chris last night, as I broke down crying", holding Tristan, I looked at him and explained that I wasn't sure what to do until midnight (which is when we go to sleep). I even admitted that I was waiting for that. I mean what else do I wait for...nothing really. I find it hard trying to explain it now as I write, but I need to, because I feel this is important, and strange, and one day maybe I will want to recall this memory. So, back to my "time" issue, yeah, so I am just wondering what to do sometimes, allot of times. When I am watching Tristan, or caring for him, I cannot do anything else, pretty much, and so I am staring at him, or nursing him, or talking to him, or trying to play or sing to him, hoping he will smile and melt my heart, which he does --allot :) But honestly, I look at the clock and only 5 minutes has passed and I am like, "what, it's only _____ o clock, and what the heck do I do next". Get the idea? So I am telling Chris this and he laughs, but understands. Seriously, it is becoming hard for him to figure out what to do, does it get better? I am guessing yes. When Tristan is being cared for by Chris it is simple, I know that I am going to do this and that and this and that, and I do it, and then come back to Tristan. I am so happy being a Mommy and he is one of my greatest blessings, but my time is passing day by day and I am wondering what I am doing with it all (time I mean). Does this little tiny human being know that he rules my world, and that it is all for him, all of our time? Probably not, but that is ok. I love that I can devote my time and I am truly blessed that I get to be with him all day and night, and I wouldn't change anything, I am just trying to adjust I guess. I remember when I spent my time on myself and now I spend it all (for the most part) on the 2nd love of my life, my beautiful baby boy, Tritan Dean. I love you baby boy.

Breastfeeding - Update as of 2 months

2010-04-03T19:24:00.000-07:00

I thought I would write a short update on how bf is going these days and how it went from the start. I wasn't sure that I could say that I always knew that I was bf, or use formula or both. I could say that I didn't really make the decision or choice until I became pregnant with Tristan (I think I thought of it a little with Elliana, but I honestly don't remember). But with Tristan, I knew that I wanted to, and needed to bf for as long as I possibly could, and prayed hard that we would be able to bf with ease. The Lord has blessed us and I have been bf exclusively now since Tristan was born. He has never had anything but breast milk and the breast. I know that I need to pump and introduce a bottle, but this is no easy task. I will talk more about pumping later.

When Tristan was born, via c-section, he was healthy and we were able to bond quickly afterwards and he was introduced to our parents, and then after a short time with them, I put him to me to nurse. He did remarkably well, and I (even though I was not confident) seemed to do pretty well myself. This new bond was so sweet and I felt so needed by him, I felt that he and I became so close, so fast, it was a huge blessing. I can't say that it hurt too bad because I was on meds from the surgery. After the meds started to wear off, it did hurt a bit, but nothing unbearable, and it only really hurt right when he latched on. I continued to pray that bf would work well for him and I, and God has been so faithful in blessing us.

We needed and still need to bf, as we are financially hurting so bad that this is our best solution for his needs when it comes to being nurished, and our abilities financially. Plus, it really helps me and Tristan bond, and it is a special time I get him apart from the world, it is our time to share glances of Mother and Son and I am embracing this bond and treasuring it everytime.

I must also admit that although it is a huge blessing and I love it, I really do; there are times where I find myself stressed, and a little bothered, just being honest. Those times are in the morning, when I am all warm, cozy and very tired, and he is hungry, and it is hard to remember our "special time" when I am really just wanting to sleep. I pray for strength and drink my coffee and look into his beautiful eyes and love him, I nurse him, and thank my Lord for him, for the miracle that he is.

At 2 months old he is still nursing exclusively. He bf about every 2 hours during the day and at night he is starting to sleep for 5-6 hours, which is AWESOME! I have tried to pump once, and it didn't go very well. I haven't tried again. I need to try again, and will wait until he can go longer in between feedings during the day.

"Can I Hold Him?"

2010-04-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

Your cousin Clayton Eggleston has taken quite a liking to you Tristan. It is so cute! When you were born, he and his family (my brother) came to visit you at the hospital and he was very sweet with you. He quickly asked to hold you, sat in a chair with the boppy pillow in his lap and held you as long as he could. You got a little heavy for him and his sister Rachel took over, but he didn't take his eyes off you. I loved the gentleness he showed toward you and know that when you get older that you two will probably be best buds. We went to visit your "Mom-Mom" and "Grandad" a few weeks ago and Clayton had stopped by with his Dad and he asked to hold you again. I let him of course.

1 Month Old

2010-03-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, the time flies. You are already 1 month old. We have had quite the journey to get you here, and you are now 1 month old, and we have loved every second, even the times when you cry your little heart out, and the times when we are fighting just to keep our eyes open. We love you so much baby boy.

You are now weighing about 9.13 lbs and are really beginning to settle into your new home here with your mommy and daddy. We are starting to get the hang of caring for you, which is all consuming, but we adore you, so it's all worth it. You seem to cry the most between 5 PM-7PM, we are not sure why, but we just try to comfort you. You begin your mornings in a pretty good mood, ready to take on the day...and I need a cup of coffee, and a shower, but we fake till we make it! Daddy and I are always tired, but that's parenthood we hear.

In the mornings I feed you (you are nursed) and then change you and get you dressed. You like this part, you are usually wide eyed and happy. You are eating every 2 hours about. In the evening time lately, we are bathing you, massaging you (I do this --you love it), nursing you and trying to put you to bed. You love the bath, (you must get this from me, I love, love, love bath's!!!). You get tired around the time I massage you (I use the sleepy time lotion-Johnson's and Johnson's) and you barely can keep your eyes open. I think it is really sweet and every night, I hope and pray it makes you really tired and that you fall asleep easily and sleep really well. You sometimes can sleep up to 4 or 5 hours at a time, which is awesome.

You make noises and move your arms around allot when you are drifting off to sleep. You also love your pacifier, and we give it to you allot, but when you don't want it, you spit it out. We hold it in your mouth allot when you are upset or really tired, you like that, and it helps you.

When you are active, and alert, which you seem to be very much at certain times of the day, we love watching you. We are in love with your little noises and look forward to hearing more.

You are still weating a few of your newborn outfits but starting to wear your 0-3 clothes too. I love dressing you in cute outfits and I take tons of pictures of you. I can't stop snapping away! You will be happy though when you are older and have allot of pictures. I was adopted and only have like 1 or 2 pictures of when I was a baby, so I can't help but capture everything.

You make the cutest faces, we love them!!! Are most favorite of all, of course, is your smile. You have the cutest smile. Your "Mom Mom" says that you make allot more facial expressions and that you are more alert than most babies.

You are long, and we think you will take after your Daddy in height, thank goodness because I am short. Your hair is gorgeous! You have allot of it. The color is medium brown, but when you were born it was more of a dark brown.

We love you so much Tristan, we are so blessed to have you. We are praying for you and thank the Lord for you daily. We are treasuring every moment.

Gracie's Got A New Friend

2010-03-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

So we really weren't sure how Miss Gracie was going to handle the new baby. We were told by most that she probably would do well, but many also worried that she wouldn't, as she was very much used to allot of attention, and let's face it, I totally spoiled her. She was my baby girl forever, and I was not sure what to think. But since the day we brought Tristan home she has been so sweet to him. He is her new best friend, of course I will always remain her favorite.

She is always still following me around and wants to be at my side all the time. But if I am with Tristan, she is as close to him as she can possibly get. It is sweet, and I am so relieved that she is taking to him so well.

Your First Bath

2010-03-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

Your first bath (well actually it was a sponge bath) went, well, not so great. You hated it, and cried the entire time. Which I guess you just didn't like it maybe because you were not in water, but being just sponged down. who knows! I gave you the bath and your Daddy video taped, so when you are older you can see it. I can't say it will be very enjoyable though, you seriously cried the entire time. The only time you let up a little wailing is when we washed your hair, and you did a little better at that point.

Owell, at least you like bath time now.

Bringing You Home

2010-03-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

When the Dr released you and I to go home, we were so excited. I started getting dressed and Daddy started calling our parents and a few friends to let them know we were coming home. Then we packed up our gifts we had recieved and my hospital bag and got you dressed in your special take home outfit. You looked so cute! We loaded everything on a cart, Daddy pushed it and the nurse pushed me in a wheel chair out to the car. Daddy was so excited! He came running back to the hospital with the empty cart and then ran really fast back to the car (it was cold outside). He pulled up in the car and helped get you in the car seat, and he did great. Then nurse helped me in the car, then accidentially slammed my finger in the car, ouch!!! It hurt real bad, but I was on some meds, thank goodness, or it might have been allot worse.

You did pretty good in the car. I sat in the back seat with you. It was weird (but great) driving with you. We had waitied for you to fill that seat. We stared at the empty seat for weeks waiting for you baby. We were so happy you were with us and we were taking you home. I was nervous to be in the car with you. I knew Daddy was a great driver and that he would be extra careful, but the other drivers, well, I wasn't so sure of. I again had to remain faithful.

We arrived home, my parents there to greet us and help out a little bit. They were there with dinner (camping chicken-yummy, and helped us unload the car. They held you while your Daddy and got settled in at home. We realized quickly that I and you would have to stay in the guest room for awhile (which we did until you were about 5-6 weeks) because I couldn't get in and out of the bed in our room. So we set up camp in the guestroom. Your Daddy helped me in the shower and into bed and slept in the room with us for a few nights.

Your first night home was very hard. We both said to eachother that we probably should have stayed one more night at the hospital, which we could have, but decided to leave early. Most c-sec mommies sta 4 nights, we stayed 3 (6 total though-counting labor). You cried allot, we thought probably because of your sourroundings, you poor little baby, you were probably scared. You ate every two hours and your Daddy and I kept track (writing down) everytime you ate, peed and pooped. It was allot to keep up with. We did this to give to your Dr. You got better though after a few days, and you didn't cry nearly as much.

Becoming "DAD"

2010-03-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

Chris was awesome during my pregnancy. He remained so calm (most all the time), he gave me strengh, he made me smile and laugh, and he prayed constantly. He and I had a rough couple of months, and stayed faithfull to God and our marriage was blessed through this journey.

The few days before going in for the induction, his had a look on his face of "I'm ready", and I loved it. I loved seeing his excitement. I asked him often if he was worried or scared, or nervous, and he would always reply that he trusted God and that he was just ready.

On the day of the induction, he was great. He was very supportive and happy. During the days of labor he was an amazing husband and friend. I am forever blessed to have his support during that time, and I am so in love with him! He was so strong and faithfull during the wait and made me feel calm when I needed him the most.

After having Tristan he was changed, and he became more gentle, and I love seeing him in his new role of "Daddy". I love wathching him interact, care and love his baby son. I am so blessed to have him.

A Mother's Touch

2010-03-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure whether I would have my mother in the room during labor. I told her that I might and that I would let her know when the day came. I did, and I mean I really, really did. Even when your 32 years old, you still somehow need, very much, the loving touch and comfort that only your own mother can provide.

The days when I was in labor, my worst day, and the other days, she was there. She was there to pray, to hold my hand, to cry for me out in the hall because she felt so deeply for me, she longed to make my pain disapear. She smiled and gently told me I was doing well. I cannot begin to express my sincere gratitude for her ability and desire to comfort me during those days of pain like I had never experienced in my life. Yes, Chris was there, and he was amazing, and strong, and a sweet and kind husband, holding my hand too, praying too and comforting me, but it was somehow different. Not any better or worse, just different.

I am so happy and blessed to have had her loving support those days and hours that dragged on for what felt like forever. I am also so blessed for the support of my Father, who I was told by my mother, prayed everyday of my pregnancy for me, and Baby Tristan. I am forever blessed by thier sweet spirit that helped them stay awake to remain at my side and in the waiting room area during the surgery, and not leaving the hospital until 2:30 AM. Those memories of having my Mother there will always remain in my heart, I will never be able to thank her enough for the gentleness of her touch, for the hours spent on her knees praying, for her smiles that lit the dark hospital room up and reminded me I was ok, for the special ways of encouraging me, and most of all for her willingness to adapt to my every changing moods.

After having Tristan, I was so proud and excited to introduce her and my Father to the grandchild they prayed for and the son I prayed for, thiers and my miracle, Tristan Dean Andel.

I love you in more ways than I could ever express. My love for you deepens as my days progress. Our long or short talks inspire me, give me hope, and make me smile. You are always there, and for this and SO MUCH MORE, you are amazing. I am so blessed to have you as my Mother, and one of my BEST FRIENDS.

Thank you. I love you.

Any Day Now

2010-03-21T14:31:00.000-07:00

At the end of my pregnancy I was really starting to feel like,"any day now" would be great for you to come and join us. We had tried very hard for so long to keep you in the womb, healthy, safe, and happy. I took so many meds, shots, and stayed on bedrest to make sure that you would enter this world healthy and at a reasonable age...well did you ever!

However, those last few weeks and days, I treasured, absolutely, but let's face it, I was also pretty much at the limit of skin streching ability, exhaustion, and barely fit into my maternity clothes. It took a long time just to wiggle out of bed, and I peed ALL the time. You laid very low in my tummy, and I hurt allot, due to the weight of you, but don't every worry, you were completly worth it. I would do it ALL again, even if it was worse (not that it could be worse-I'm telling you--I had it rough)!

But as tough as it was, I was so blessed, God had given us a miracle, and that miracle was YOU!

Fighting the Lights-Tristan's Jaundice

2010-03-21T12:37:00.000-07:00

After you were born, the Dr at the hospital told us that you had jaundince.

Neonatal jaundice is a yellowing of the skin and other tissues of a newborn infant. A bilirubin level of more than 85 umol/l (5 mg/dL) manifests clinical jaundice in neonates whereas in adults 34 umol/l (2 mg/dL) would look icteric. In newborns jaundice is detected by blanching the skin with digital pressure so that it reveals underlying skin and subcutaneous tissue. Jaundice newborns have an apparent icteric sclera, and yellowing of the face, extending down onto the chest. This condition is common in upwards of 70% of newborns.

This was one memory that haunts me, it was horrible and so difficult. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard it was to hear that you had it, and then go through photo light therapy to heal it. That 24 hour period lasted forever to us, it felt more like days than just 24 hours. You hated it, and I mean HATED it! You were so small and only wanted to be held and comforted and couldn't. It broke us to peices seeing you so upset. You had to lay on a bed of light and under lights and where goggles (we kept them for you to see when you get older). You kept movin your tiny head so the goggles wouldn't stay put, and you would cry and cry. Most of the time Daddy stood above you, holding the goggles on you and your perfect little hands, it was his way of trying to keep the goggles on and provide some type of comfort to you. Sometimes you would be ok, but most of the time you weren't. When it was time to feed you, I would pick you up with the light bed under you, and had to nurse you this way everytime.

The nurses made me worry everytime they took you back to get checked for your bili levels, and Daddy and me prayed that you would be healed of it, and wouldn't have to be under the lights anymore. This time truly tested our faith, our patience and made us realize more and more how deeply, deeply we loved you Baby Boy.

Finally the Dr realeased you from photo therapy and told us you would be able to go home. Words cannot describe our emotions at that point. Daddy had prayed so hard and hoped so much to take you home, he was soooo ready to take you home. We were so releived and so excited that you were better.

Our First Moments Together

2010-03-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

The first time I held you so many emotions ran through my mind. I was so relieved that you were here, in my arms, safe, healthy and beautiful. I couldn't believe it! You were so small, so soft, and so innocent. I loved every part of your being. I forgot so quickly that I had gone through so much pain to get you here. In our first moments together I knew you were my miracle, my gift from God. Oh, Tristan, will you ever know how much that first moment meant. You are so special to me, I love you so dearly. I forgot that I had just been cut open so that you could come into this world. I wish I would have been able to see you open your eyes for the very first time, but I was able to hear your first cry. Oh how I treasured that sound, that sound was heavenly, it was what I had longed to hear forever. You cried and my heart opened more, it opened more so that I could love more. I cried too, I couldn't hold my emotions back. We were so blessed baby boy. We loved you instantly when we found out we were pregnant and loved you even more when we saw you the first time. You were a big boy, a whoping 10 lbs you were! We were shocked! We never expected you to be so big. I had been on bedrest for all of the pregnancy basically and did eat my fair share of Milky Ways :) but still, we didn't expect 10 lbs. But nevertheless, we were in love! A chubby little face, you had, and barely opening your eyes, the world was so big and scary I am sure, coming from your nice and small home in my womb. But baby boy, this world, as scary and big as it is, it is full of so many new and exciting adventures yet to discover. You are going to be amazing! You are a miracle, never forget that! Your father and I were scared often that we would never meet you, God had other plans. God held you in his hands, as he still does and will always. I pray that you seek him all the days of your life. I pray that you make him your very, very best friend.

He Smiled At Me

2010-03-18T12:07:00.001-07:00

Tristan is about 6 1/2 weeks old today. Last night he did amazingly well. I gave him a bath at around 11:30, massaged him with Sleepy Time Lotion and nursed him. I had hoped he'd fall asleep shortly after I fed him, but he took a little longer to fall asleep than I had hoped. He finally went into his basinett around 1 am, which is awesome compared to drifting off around 3 AM, which is what he normally does. We too went to sleep. I thought for sure he would wake up around 3 or 4 AM to eat, or around 6, but he slept till a 7 AM!!! I couldn't believe, or maybe I did wake up with him, but I was so tired that I don't remember, but I am pretty sure he slept, I slept and Chris slept. IT WAS WONDERFUL! An answered prayer for sure. I think God knows when we just really need to sleep. Thank you God.

So, this morning after I fed him, he wasn't at all ready to just drift back into dreamland,so Chris took him into the guest room. He takes him in there to give me silence so I can sleep. It is impossible to sleep when he makes a noise every other second. I slept and they hung out. Of course later this morning, Chris told me that he fell back a sleep around 8:30 AM and slept till around 11 AM. Anyways, back to the point of this story. Chris brought him in our room (I was already up-showered and ready to feed him)it was about 12 PM. He was changing his diaper-and of course Tristan was crying because he was being changed and very hungry I'm sure. I walked over to him, looked at him and smiled and guess what...HE SMILED SO BIG!!! I know he recognized me, I just know it! He smiled so big and kept smiling. It was a moment I will never forget, he was so sweet, so happy. I love this baby boy.

A good reading

2010-03-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

I Want to Leave a Legacy
9 Mar 2010
Melanie Chitwood

"I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever; to all generations I will make known your faithfulness with my mouth." Psalm 89:1 (NAS)

What do your children think of when they think of you? Their answers would be very revealing, wouldn't they? One day in early elementary school, Zachary came home with a Mother's Day picture he'd created for me. In the middle was a lovely portrait of me, wearing a dress made in my favorite colors of pink and purple. Then around the picture his teacher had told him to write four different words to describe his mom. He wrote: reading, napping, chocolate chip cookies, and laughing. His words made me smile with their accuracy.

Every day we are leaving our fingerprints on our kids. What do we want our children to think of when they think of their p arents? A mom who was gentle and firm in her discipline or a mom who flew off the handle easily? A mom who seemed permanently attached to her phone or a mom who was available for life's big and small moments? A mom who occasionally went to church or a mom whose love of God was a part of her everyday life?

A legacy can be defined as "something handed down." Every day through our words and actions we are developing a legacy to be carried in the character of our children. It's easy for the busyness of life to keep you from being purposeful in your parenting. Let's decide today to leave the legacy we really want. Let's make sure it's a legacy not born of busyness and urgency, but one born of purposefulness and prayer.

It always helps me to remember that God is a parent too. So who better to turn to for parenting advice? It also helps me to know that God loves my children even more than I do, and He will fill in the gaps for me and Scott as we seek Him first. No matter what kind of parent you've been, today you can decide to add to and improve the legacy you are leaving. These are the only days we have with our children. We don't get them back. Let's begin today to be the parents we really want to be.

Dear Lord, thank You so much for each of my children. I need Your help every day to be the parent You want me to be. Lord, I'm human and I know that as a parent, I've made mistakes and will in the future. Lord, redeem the past and strengthen me for the future. Lord, thank You that You will give me Your love, wisdom, strength, direction, and patience to be the best parent for my children. Help me to leave a legacy that brings You glory and one that will enable my children to know how much You love them. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
This devotion was adapted from What A Wife Needs From Her Husband by Melanie Chitwood

What a Husband Needs from His Wife by Melanie Chitwood

Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose by Rebecca Ingram Powell

Check out Melanie's blog for information about her upcoming marriage conference call, "Buildi ng a Marriage that Will Last a LIfetime." She'll be giving away a free conference call!

For more encouragement, read A Legend of Faith

Mining for Gold in the Heart of Your Child Character Chart and Message on CD, by Renee Swope

Application Steps:
Your children will learn to pray as they hear you pray. Pray with them on the way to school, throughout the day to thank God or to ask for His help, and tuck them in each night with your prayers. And don't stop praying with them when they're teens. Even though your teens may be pulling away from you, they still need to know you're covering them with prayer.

Choose a verse for the whole family to memorize each week. Display it in the kitchen or some other visible place.

Reflections:
Think about your everyday actions. Which of your actions point your children's hearts to the Lord?

Think about your attitude in frustrating or stressful situations. Are you modeling Christ's attitude in these situations?

What is one action step you can take this week to leave a legacy of faith for your children?

Power Verses:
Deuteronomy 6:5-9, "Love GOD, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got! Write these commandments that I've given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. (Message)

Proverbs 22:6, "Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it." (NLT)

Psalm 79:13, "So we Your people, the sheep of Your pasture, will give thanks to You forever; to all generations we will tell of Your praise." (NAS)

© 2010 by Melanie Chitwood. All rights reserved.

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The Birth Story of Tristan

2010-02-16T15:26:00.001-08:00

Our story begins on Wednesday, January 27th, at 4 PM. Chris and I had told Dr Young that our insurance ended on Jan 30 and therefore, we had to have him prior to this date. So, our induction was set for the 27th.

The few days before the induction we cleaned the house, top to bottom, shopped for food for the few meals to freeze for later dinners after the baby would be here, and made a diaper wreath. We also visited our friends Chris and Alison in the hospital, they had a baby girl. The nights leading up to the big day, neither of us slept that well, we were so excited and eager about the upcoming event. I was getting more nervous as the day approached. Finally it was here, the big day. We woke up that Wednesday morning, I had a nice breakfast, my coffee and finished a few final touches on the diaper wreath, and cooking frozen meals. We lost track of time and didn't have enough of it to complete all the meals I had intended to cook, but Chris made me realize, we needed to stop, take a breath, get showered and get going, so I did.

On the car ride to the hospital, I felt excited, but nervous, and anxious, and little weird. I kept thinking to myself, wow, we are seriously going to the hospital to have our baby, the baby we've waited for, for so long. Our day was finally here, and boy did I have so many emotions. We had made so many trips to the hospital, paticulary to the Labor and Delivery Dept in the past 2 years, but mostly the past 9 months, and eventually went back home, without a baby, and waited, followed Dr's orders of bedrest, meds and sleepless nights, but now, here we were, in the car, driving to the hospital, and this time, this time would be so different, this time, we would be coming home with a baby, our BABY. Chris was excited, he had a look on his face of pure excitement and readiness. We were both ready.

We arrived at the hospital, St.Lukes, The Woodlands, and carried our bags to the 2nd floor, L&D. The nurses were expecting us, and right away, lead us to our room (room 207), which they had already had prepared for us. The room was large, inviting, and cozy.

The nurse asked me to change into a hospital gown, they are just so lovely, umm, not really, they are horrible looking, and make anyone look like a huge cow. I changed into my gown, and obeying orders, laid down on the hospital bed. The nurse began asking me questions about medical history and such, and all the usual questions you get asked when you get admitted into a hospital. I gave her my birth plan. Chris and I had found a birth plan online, and changed it up a bit to fit our needs and wants. Pretty normal stuff I guess...you know, I want an epidural, drugs for pain, hubby to cut cord, and that I would be breastfeeding exclusively. She then hooked me up to the monitoring equipment...thump, thump, thump, baby's heartbeat was our music, and beautiful music at that. We watched the baby's heartbeat and my contractions on the computer screen. All the initial stuff took about an hour and half, and then Dr Young showed up. Quiet as usual, he just asked how I was doing and insterted the Cervidil. He smiled and said goodbye, telling me that he would see us in the morning, early morning. I then had to lay completely still on my back for 2 hours. Sounds easy right? NOT really! It sucked, I had a huge tummy and laying flat on my back wasn't the easiest and most comfy, especially for 2 hours. The nurse said that the Cervidil had to settle into the cervix and it required my staying completley still for this to happen the right way. For the next 2 hours, Chris and I smiled at each other, excited about the event soon to take place, updated facebook, sent emails, called a few friends and family and settled into our new home (room 207). After the 2 hours passed, I was so relieved to be able to stand up, strech out, and walk to the potty. The Cervidil remained inside, working it's magic (or so we had thought). We both slept ok that night, not great, but ok...mostly due to the excitement.

Jan 28th- At 6 in the morning, the nurse removed the Cervidil and I took a shower. Then that morning, the Dr started Poticin. This medicine was given through my I.V. and was used to induce labor. That morning, I was only dialated to a one (which I had been dialted to a one for about 2 weeks already). The medicine was strong, and the nurse kept increasing the level every couple of hours. My contractions were fairly strong, and I used pain meds through my iv to help control the pain. I tried to go back to sleep that morning, but didn't really, I mostly just laid there, I watched Chris sleep, and day dreamed about Tristan, and wondered how the rest of the labor would be. By 12:30 or so, the meds were not working, and I had still not dialated past 1 centimeter, Dr. Young took me off the Potocin and decided to put Cervidil in again overnight, and do Potocin again the next morning. We were pretty disapointed, frustrated, and confused. We had hoped labor would have moved a little faster, but I am different than most, and my body never reacts as most do. I decided to take a bath. The bathroom had a huge jacuzzi bathtub, I loved it, it was so nice. I then got back into bed, and the Dr put Cervidil in again. That evening, Chris and stayed faithful, prayed allot and hoped for a better day the following day.

Jan 29th -At 4 AM the nurse (her name was Darla--pretty cool!) removed the Cervidil and I took a shower, taking my time, I really enjoyed the shower, and knew that it would be my last shower pregnant. I rubbed my enormous belly, loving it, strech marks and all, I loved it. It meant that there was a baby inside, a baby that we made out of love, a baby, a gift from our Lord above, I was so in love, and so excited. Tired, but awake, awake with excitement, nervous but trusting in God. I spent an hour getting showered, relaxing, doing my hair and putting a little bit of makeup on, hoping to look half way decent when Tristan made his grand entrance into this world. Darla (my nurse) and I walked to the room which held the ice chips (which was all I could I have at that point)... then we walked back to my room. At 5 AM the Potocin was put back on. The Potocin was increased every few hours, then every 20 mins...it was very difficult, very painful, the contractions were very strong, and very close together...

At 11:30 or so, Dr Young tried to check my progress (dialation), but I was in so much pain, he couldn't even really check me. He convinced me that it was really nessesary to get the epidural at that point. I was planning on waiting a while longer, but he felt it would really help our cause...so, epi was requested and put in. It wasn't really that bad, and I handled it well. Chris had to leave the room, which I hated, but I made it through, and after it settled in and began relieving my pain, I was all smiles! Chris made a comment, "it is nice to see you smile again". For a short amount of time, the epi(which wasn't allot of water-and the fluid kept oozing out over the next few hours, and I had dialted to 2 centimeters.. and I didn't feel a thing...but soon...the pain was back, and it was discovered that the epi didn't work that well. I had all movement abilitites with my legs (which you shouldn't really have), and I was feeling allot more pain that I should have with an epi in my back. The epi Dr tried to fix it several times, I was SO frustrated with them, they acted like I was crazy and not really believing me that I was in so much pain, and were not that friendly. It sucked so much that they could not get my pain under control. I was really hurting, and I was so upset that I could not get relief.

At around 9 PM that day, Dr Young checked me and I had progressed to 5 centimeters! We were excited, thinking that it meant that I might have Tristan that evening, and fairly quickly, and naturally at that. However, our night got worse, my pain became allot worse. I also developed a fever, first it was 101, then it went to 102, even after iv fluids for fever and meds to reduce fever, nothing helped, and eventually I was given iv antibiotics for prevention of some type of infection. The contractions were literally on top of one of another, I was screaming often, crying, and holding on to the rails of the bed or Chris or my Mothers hand through each horrific contraction. Nothing helped, I have never felt that kind of pain. I was so worried, I felt like it would never end, I seriously kept thinking "when will this ever end"/...it felt like there was no end in sight, I did not progress, and stayed at 5 for hours and hours. My Mother and Dad were there, I needed them, and was so encouraged by there support, and even at 32, I needed the special warm touch of my Mother. I will never forget how much it meant to have her there that day, to have her comfort me. She told me later that it was so hard to watch me in that amount of pain, and that often she had to walk out of my room, go to the hall, sit down and cry, because she couldn't bare to see me that way. I love her so dearly. Chris was amazing. He stayed so calm, and strong for me. He rarely left my side, and offered so much compassion and encouragement, I couldn't of asked for a better husband that day. He reasured me often, praised my efforts, stroked my hand softly, kissed me softly, and provided me with his lovely face and smiles to remind me of the love he so willingly gave and felt, and reminded me of why I was to endure this pain....for our son. At around 12:00 AM, the nurse finally got a phone call from DR Young stating that would be preforming a c section on me, due to my cervix not dialating, fever and the time already spent in labor, this was the news I needed to hear. Minutes before hearing this from her, I litterally had given up, I could not go anymore like that, I was done, I was so exhausted, in so much pain, I needed somthing to happen, because I couldn't go anymore. They stopped the Potocin, which was very helpful in helping my contractions ease up a bit. Quickly Chris changed into scrubs for the operating room, and I said my goodbyes to parents and Chris. The OR was filled with Dr's and nurses and I was so scared...the epi was removed and in place of it, the spinal block was put in. The spinal block worked really well, and putting it in place even went well. It seemed like forever before Chris was lead into the OR and was sitting at my head, holding my hand. We waited for his cry, I cried, and was so nervous. Chris and I were so blessed, so happy and so overjoyed when finally, after 3 days of labor, Tristan made his arrival into the world. On January 30, 2010 at 12:51 AM, Tristan Dean Andel cried his first cry and opened his beautiful bright eyes! We have it all on video! It is amazing. The whole birth experience was amazing....painful, long and not how we had expected, but AMAZING!!!!

After the birth, the Dr's sewed me up and I was brought back into my hospital room for recovery (a new room though--room 213.) My parents and Bekki and Mac were in the hallway waiting. I was so excited to see my Mom and Dad. Chris carried Tristan to my room, and then he handed me him and I was so happy to be holding him. Since it was so late, I decided to wait to feed him and allowed our families to come in and see him. They took a few pics and left around 2 AM. Then I nursed him awhile and Chris and I enjoyed staring at our beautiful baby boy. A nurse came in and took Tristan for tests (normal tests) and then came back into my room with him and gave him his first sponge bath. I watched from my bed. Chris had fallen asleep. Tristan didn't make a fuss or anything, he was very tired, and I think he even enjoyed getting all cleaned up. I loved watching his first bath. I don't remember how long I stayed up watching him, but eventually fell asleep.

Photo Shoot

2010-02-08T04:32:00.001-08:00

I wanted to write briefly about our pregnancy photo shoot. Chris and I did not have the funds available to get a professional photo shoot done, so I posted an add on craigslist.com.

After reviewing several emails, our add and God lead us to a very kind gentleman who offered to do our pics for free. He and his wife came over on the weekend and we took allot of pictures. He is going to be putting them on CD, editing them and hopefully sending them our way soon. I have not heard from him in awhile...so, I hope that everything is ok.

Catching on Pregancy Progress & Reflecting on Some of 2009

2010-01-26T06:50:00.000-08:00

I have fallen short on updating on the progress of our pregnancy with Baby Tristan. I thought I'd take a few minutes to write about the past couple of weeks (ok, months) :)

Our life has been a little stressful with Chris lay off, but we have survived. My tummy has grown and grown, and I have grown more and more in love with a baby whom I've never met. I have had all sorts of cravings--I hate to mention, because they aren't exactly the best foods for an expectant mom. But here they are: chocolate (really any kind), fruit roll-ups (crazy hugh!), Coca-Cola (I read 1 is ok a day)--funny because I didn't even really like Coke before, who knew! Oh, and ice cream, cheese sticks (frozen ones that you cook and then they are uwe-goey-delish--melt in your mouth! These things rock!

Chris and I have been seeing Dr.Young mostly every 2 weeks but as we drew closer to the end, we saw him every week. I get a little irratated by these apts, only because I feel as though they are a bit meaningless. We get dressed, drive over there, wait in the waiting room for 1/2 hour to hour then see him (the Dr) for like maybe 5 mins. It is important --I know. It's just that sometimes it doesn't feel important.

We had our baby shower, which was very nice. We soon discovered who cared enough to show up, or at least rsvp that they couldn't make it. I was very hurt by some that didn't bother to show up.

I am still battling with my hurt and disapointment of friends that fell off the face of the earth. I continue to pray for reconciliation, but have begun to realize that some friendships are just not meant to last forever and there is nothing I can do about it.

We made it through the Christmas Holidays, we put our tree (with the help of our dear friend Mark), it looked beautiful. Chris decorated with lights outside, it looked really nice. We spent one evening going to look at Christmas lights in a subdivision I used to visit with my parents when I was real young. I remembered it being "majical". Well, times have changed. We packed up the car, blanket, pillow, and Gracie and headed to see the "majical lights". The community isn't close, so Chris was a bit apprehensive to drive all that way, but I begged and he gave in. So we we were off, and finally finding our way into the community we soon discovered, indeed things had changed. The majic was not as I remembered. We made the best of it, even stopping by a gas station to grab a warm drink of coco and a sprite for me. We weaved in and out of a few streets, a there were a few homes who's lights captured our attention for a few brief moments. Quickly though, we decided to head home. We laughed about the experience, but surely won't be going back. We also decided that due to not knowing when baby would arrive, we would stick close to home for Christmas day. I know this was hard on Chris and his family. We went to my Mom & Dad's for Christmas day, we had a really nice and relaxing time. Lunch was great and we wnjoyed sitting around an visiting with family. We did not have allot of money this year, actually we had already any, so gifts were not given this year. We did however buy a gift for us (using the Best Buy Credit Card)--we bought a video camera. Not the best of the best, but one that is still HD and affordable. We wanted it for the baby's arrival and for capturing special moments of Tristan's life. We were very happy and very excited to purchase this gift. We did not buy for anyone else, well, I take that back, we did not Gracie a few treats and a toy. I even wrapped them and on Christmas Eve she (well we helped a little) opened one gift (just as I used to be able to open one gift on Christmas Eve when I was little--special memories I will always treasure), and then she opened the next gift on Christmas Morning. we really enjoyed watching her, it was adorable. She loved them!
We even captured it on video and took some cute pics. Christmas was very different for us this year, we were more focused on the true meaning of the season, and boy was it awesome! This year more than ever, I was focused on my Lord, and the birth of Jesus. I felt more blessed than ever. It was strange and cool being pregnant, I thought often how Mary felt. I pondered allot of her experience and how different it was than mine. Over all, we had a wonderful Christmas, although, just like every year, it came and went--way too fast.

New Years Eve was very different than that of celebrations past. Being pregnant, we did not do much. We visited with nieghbors on the culdesac and watched them pop some fireworks. We were in bed around 11:30 PM and laughed about how tired we were and old we felt. We laughed realizing we'd never been in bed at this time for NY's, but we were content, we were happy. At midnight we kissed and wished each other a happy new year. We both praised God for our blessings and prayed for a better year than the last. Knowing that the past 2 years had been quite tough, we hoped and prayed for a better 2010.

For my birthday, we were poor, so we couldn't do anything. But Chris did a very good job communicating his love for me, and wishing me birthday wishes and cuddling and snuggling with me. The next day (we finally got paid) and went out to eat at Lupe Toritillas, it was really good. Turning 32, I felt proud to be an expectant Mom, finally! I felt very blessed, I had the best birthday gifts ever, I was married to the best man ever and was expecting a baby boy!! How much better could it get?

So back the pregnancy updates...
We spent a day in L&D a little scared about the baby. I had been feeling bad and knew once I was checked out at the hospital why (I had 2 infections) and was treated for those with IV anitbiotics, and given fluids. I somehow though kept contracting with regular and some pretty strong contractions. The Dr said that 36 weeks was still too soon to have the baby and he stopped labor with 3 shots of Terbutilin and one pill. The medicine was strong and made me shake uncontrollably, but the nurse gave me meds to counteract the meds, and these helped. The Dr had planned and scheduled the cerclage removal for the next week, but he decided to remove it that evening instead. It was a horrible experience. Chris had gone home to get our bags, in case the baby came (we were told there was a good chance he would come shortly after they took it out). He wasn't able to make it back in time to hug and kiss me before the Dr took me back to the operating room...this was bad. I had a really hard time, I needed to see Chris before and not seeing him made me more nervous. I was terrified, I don't know why, I just was. They gave me a spinal block instead of putting me under, and I hated it. I did not do well with the spinal. It hurt really bad. I cried allot and felt so scared. I prayed, and waited for it to be over. This experience with the spinal block made me a little nervous about the epi for when I deliver. I am working through the nervousness and praying for a better experience. Anyways, I was brought back to my own room, where we stayed for a few hours to see if I'd go into full force labor, which I didn't. Dr Young asked me if I wanted to stay overnight and I told him no. I had a terrible reaction to the meds and spent hours really itchy, it drove me crazy!!! Finally we were released and on our way home. I was so happy to finally be home in our bed, I was so comfy!

-Darla

Finding Direction from God

2010-01-25T08:10:00.000-08:00

When Chris got laid off of his job of 10+ years we were devastated and scared, we were not sure what we were going to do, we were in shock for several days, but we held onto the Lord. If have learned anything through our circumstances and heartache that we have already endured in our dating and marriage, we learned that God will never leave us, he will NEVER forsake us. And we have learned that he DOES always have a plan.

I must admitt that I cried often and felt helpless in many moments. Over the next couple of weeks after he was laidoff, Chris remained this calm and strong man...it was amazing. I saw a man who despite his circumstances stood strong, and leaned on the Lord and grew in his faith. He did not turn the other direction, slip into depression, or give up, he ROSE UP! He did not let this defeat him, he prayed faithfully, several times a day, read the bible-several times a day...I quickly discovered that I was falling MORE IN LOVE with him.

We talked about a dream to become a fire-fighter, and how being laid off would perhaps allow time and a way to attend the school (EMT Basic). He would recieve a severance pay up until March 31 (the school would be 3 months and end in May --I think). He could apply for Unemployment after March and most definitely receive it. He could find a part time job maybe, and then attend Fire Academy. He also said that he would like to attend school all the way up to Paramedic.

Now, I will be honest and tell you that I was so scared when I began seriously thinking about my husband as a fire fighter, but he always reminded me that God is ALWAYS in control. I had to pray faithfully that I would be the kind of Wife that God has called me to be. I prayed to be a wife who encourages, supports and loves her husband. I prayed that God would change my heart and help me to fully trust his will for Chris life. I prayed, just as Chris did, for God's will, for God's direction. I began to change, and realize that I must fully trust and now I am doing much better, and am VERY EXCITED for him. I am VERY PROUD of him. VERY PROUD.

Chris kept telling me that yes, he really wanted to be a fire fighter or a paramedic and that he just always desired to do something that really meant something, and he always felt like he wanted to save people, to make a difference in peoples lives. This was always a perfect way to spread God's love. More than anything though, he said that even though HE WANTED this, he wanted to be in GOD'S WILL more than ANYTHING. He said over and over that he wanted to do whatever God has called him to do, and if this wasn't it, that he would be ok, yes maybe a little disapointed at first, but he would faithfully go wherever God tells him to go. I was amazed at his faithfullness to be in God's will, again, I was and am...SO PROUD of him. I love him so much.

He researched several different schools and doors were closed a few that we'd hope would work. First, the college that would be closest and offer financial aid, the class starting right away was already full and had 40+ on a waiting list. Second was the class offered by Cintas, which we were very excited about because it would only take a month and 1/2 to complete! We soon discovered though that this would not work becuase the class started on the 25th (which is today actually) and the reason it would not work is because we were not sure when Baby Tristan would be born, and taking a chance of starting a class on the 25th would be very risky. Then of course we knew it wouldn't work, because we soon found out that I would be induced on the 27th, and that there was just NO WAY it would work. The last option was Cypress Creek, and this class would last about 3 months and begin on Feb 9th. Although it sucks that it starts on our aniversary, it was our only option.

The next step was to wait upon the Lord to see if this door would be open come registration day. We were not sure if the baby would come before and we'd be in the hospital. We were both a little excited and little scared, but kept praying, we prayed constantly for direction and for his will.

Last night, we laid in bed and talked about the baby coming, the class, registration and God's will. We both prayed again and tried to sleep. I do not think either of us got that much sleep, maybe we were both just excited and little nervous about whether he would get into the class, or if the baby would come early. We both knew that if the baby came, this would mean that God had another plan for Chris.

Chris had been told by a friend (Steven Kasper) that the class fills up very fast and there were only a certain # allowed in the class. Also, the instructor had suggested that Chris get there early, and hopefully he would get in. So....we decided that he better be extra careful and get there very early. Registration opened at 8 AM, he got up at 4:30 and made it to the parking lot at 5:20.

I did not sleep very well at all after he left. I was much to excited and nervous for him. I prayed again this morning. Around 8:30 AM I got out of bed and took a bath, hoping to hear from him soon. At around 9 AM the phone rang, it was him! I answered, really hoping to hear a voice that sounded happy...and I DID!!! He told me that he'd made it in the class! I was so excited, I couldn't even hold the tears back. I felt such peace from God! I was so happy for him, I was SO proud of him. I was so happy because I know for the first time he would be doing something that he really wanted to be doing. We talked about 30 mins all about the morning. When he made it home, he was tired, hungry, but very happy, he had a huge smile on his face. I hugged him and kissed his beautiful face and felt so happy. Happy that God lead us, happy that he was happy and excited. He placed his hand on my tummy and told me that he was really excited about the baby coming, I smiled, oh, I LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH!!!! I am SO BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH TO AMAZING HUSBAND!!!!

Remembering our Elliana

2010-01-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

As our date approaches where we w thelcome our new Baby Boy, Tristan, to this world, I cannot help remember our sweet Elliana. Although I know that she is with the Lord, safe, happy and loved, I still shed a tear or two as I reflect upon the memories of those long 18 1/2 hours of labor, I went through with Elliana in labor. It was an extremely devastating time in me and Chris life. We have grown so much since that day.

We will always remember you Elliana, and we will always love you.
Love, Mommy & Daddy

A Different Type Of New Years Resolution

2010-01-01T09:14:00.001-08:00

Today, I opened my daily devotional and wanted to share...

Friends, God knows that the first day of each new year carries with it a myriad of emotions that often lead to promises and resolutions. Some commit to lose weight. Some commit to exercise more. Some desire a more disciplined walk with the Lord. And some want to be better wives and mothers. We all want God's highest and best for the new year.

But God knows too that these promises and resolutions are often grounded not in His Word but in our flesh. We focus on the end result and not on the process. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight and exercise to feel better about yourself. It is a wonderful goal to be a "better" wife and mother. It is admirable to commit to daily Bible reading and quiet time with the Lord. But we must beware of making these things a daily duty we check off.

Committing to a New Year's Resolution will not bring profound lasting life change. Committing your heart to God...studying, learning, and praying God's Word...that is what will bring eternal, lasting life transformation.

I invite you join me this year in writing a New Year's Prayer. Below find my prayer for us.

Father in heaven, thank You that You are All Authority in heaven and on earth. Thank You that You led each woman here today. You know her every need, her deepest desires, and her hurting places. Lord, as she seeks to know You more, would You open the eyes of heart to see the wonderful things in Your law?

Father, we confess that so often we live lives that do not honor You. Our actions and our Words seem so far from You. But, we do want to live lives that please You, so we ask today for You to soften our hearts to receive what Your sweet Spirit has to speak to us. Give us a hunger and a thirst for Your Word. As You reveal it to us, help us through the power of Your Holy Spirit to listen and obey. You tell us Your Word is living and active, like a double-edged sword. Father, we invite You to use it now to penetrate the deepest recesses in our hearts.

Give us hearts that desire You and Your Truth above all else. Your Word tells us that if we lack Wisdom, we need only ask and You will give it liberally. So we ask today for a fresh filling of Your Wisdom. Give us the strength to walk in Your Truth, no matter the cost. Guard our hearts and keep our eyes fixed on You. Grow in us the fruit of Your Spirit…those things that will make us more like You. As we study Your Word, fill us and saturate us with more of You!!

Today, Father, we surrender our past and look to the future, thanking You that we are a new creation. No matter what we have done before today, we have Hope in You to take all things and use them for Your good and the good of Your Kingdom. Thank You that You are Faithful. Thank You that we can make our plans but You will direct our steps. We trust in You to do a mighty work in us and through us this year and carry it on to completion until the day we step into eternity with You.

Lord, we love You. Make our lives a living testimony of Your Love. We ask this in the powerful and mighty name of Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord who will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. AMEN.

To begin writing your prayer, examine your New Year's Resolution and prayerfully ask the Lord for to reveal the heart issue behind your resolution. Ask Him to lead you through His Word to verses that directly address what you hear.

Listen to God's promise in Hebrews 4:12:

For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. it exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

Perhaps you want to lose weight because you feel unworthy of love due to your past, your present, or choices you have made. Find verses on God's great love for you...His promises that He created you just the way you are because He has a great plan and purpose for your life that only you can accomplish.

Perhaps you want to spend more time in the Word but you are too busy...you just can't fit it into your day. Find Scriptures on God's wisdom and priorities. Proverbs is a great place to start.

Perhaps you want to be a better wife and mother, but you have a temper that flares or a tongue that cuts like a knife. Open God's Word and find verses addressing speech, self-control, and patience. Proverbs and James are great places to start.

Once you have found your verses, take each one and personalize it. Then, put them together, along with your own heart's cry, to make a prayer. Copy your prayer into a journal or notebook. Write your verses on pieces of paper and put them where you can see them throughout the day. Memorize them.

Friends, God knows that the first day of each new year carries with it a myriad of emotions that often lead to promises and resolutions. Some commit to lose weight. Some commit to exercise more. Some desire a more disciplined walk with the Lord. And some want to be better wives and mothers. We all want God's highest and best for the new year.

But God knows too that these promises and resolutions are often grounded not in His Word but in our flesh. We focus on the end result and not on the process. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight and exercise to feel better about yourself. It is a wonderful goal to be a "better" wife and mother. It is admirable to commit to daily Bible reading and quiet time with the Lord. But we must beware of making these things a daily duty we check off.

Committing to a New Year's Resolution will not bring profound lasting life change. Committing your heart to God...studying, learning, and praying God's Word...that is what will bring eternal, lasting life transformation.

I invite you join me this year in writing a New Year's Prayer. Below find my prayer for us.

Father in heaven, thank You that You are All Authority in heaven and on earth. Thank You that You led each woman here today. You know her every need, her deepest desires, and her hurting places. Lord, as she seeks to know You more, would You open the eyes of heart to see the wonderful things in Your law?

Father, we confess that so often we live lives that do not honor You. Our actions and our Words seem so far from You. But, we do want to live lives that please You, so we ask today for You to soften our hearts to receive what Your sweet Spirit has to speak to us. Give us a hunger and a thirst for Your Word. As You reveal it to us, help us through the power of Your Holy Spirit to listen and obey. You tell us Your Word is living and active, like a double-edged sword. Father, we invite You to use it now to penetrate the deepest recesses in our hearts.

Give us hearts that desire You and Your Truth above all else. Your Word tells us that if we lack Wisdom, we need only ask and You will give it liberally. So we ask today for a fresh filling of Your Wisdom. Give us the strength to walk in Your Truth, no matter the cost. Guard our hearts and keep our eyes fixed on You. Grow in us the fruit of Your Spirit…those things that will make us more like You. As we study Your Word, fill us and saturate us with more of You!!

Today, Father, we surrender our past and look to the future, thanking You that we are a new creation. No matter what we have done before today, we have Hope in You to take all things and use them for Your good and the good of Your Kingdom. Thank You that You are Faithful. Thank You that we can make our plans but You will direct our steps. We trust in You to do a mighty work in us and through us this year and carry it on to completion until the day we step into eternity with You.

Lord, we love You. Make our lives a living testimony of Your Love. We ask this in the powerful and mighty name of Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord who will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. AMEN.

To begin writing your prayer, examine your New Year's Resolution and prayerfully ask the Lord for to reveal the heart issue behind your resolution. Ask Him to lead you through His Word to verses that directly address what you hear.

Listen to God's promise in Hebrews 4:12:

For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. it exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

Perhaps you want to lose weight because you feel unworthy of love due to your past, your present, or choices you have made. Find verses on God's great love for you...His promises that He created you just the way you are because He has a great plan and purpose for your life that only you can accomplish.

Perhaps you want to spend more time in the Word but you are too busy...you just can't fit it into your day. Find Scriptures on God's wisdom and priorities. Proverbs is a great place to start.

Perhaps you want to be a better wife and mother, but you have a temper that flares or a tongue that cuts like a knife. Open God's Word and find verses addressing speech, self-control, and patience. Proverbs and James are great places to start.

Once you have found your verses, take each one and personalize it. Then, put them together, along with your own heart's cry, to make a prayer. Copy your prayer into a journal or notebook. Write your verses on pieces of paper and put them where you can see them throughout the day. Memorize them.

Friends, God knows that the first day of each new year carries with it a myriad of emotions that often lead to promises and resolutions. Some commit to lose weight. Some commit to exercise more. Some desire a more disciplined walk with the Lord. And some want to be better wives and mothers. We all want God's highest and best for the new year.

But God knows too that these promises and resolutions are often grounded not in His Word but in our flesh. We focus on the end result and not on the process. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight and exercise to feel better about yourself. It is a wonderful goal to be a "better" wife and mother. It is admirable to commit to daily Bible reading and quiet time with the Lord. But we must beware of making these things a daily duty we check off.

Committing to a New Year's Resolution will not bring profound lasting life change. Committing your heart to God...studying, learning, and praying God's Word...that is what will bring eternal, lasting life transformation.

I invite you join me this year in writing a New Year's Prayer. Below find my prayer for us.

Father in heaven, thank You that You are All Authority in heaven and on earth. Thank You that You led each woman here today. You know her every need, her deepest desires, and her hurting places. Lord, as she seeks to know You more, would You open the eyes of heart to see the wonderful things in Your law?

Father, we confess that so often we live lives that do not honor You. Our actions and our Words seem so far from You. But, we do want to live lives that please You, so we ask today for You to soften our hearts to receive what Your sweet Spirit has to speak to us. Give us a hunger and a thirst for Your Word. As You reveal it to us, help us through the power of Your Holy Spirit to listen and obey. You tell us Your Word is living and active, like a double-edged sword. Father, we invite You to use it now to penetrate the deepest recesses in our hearts.

Give us hearts that desire You and Your Truth above all else. Your Word tells us that if we lack Wisdom, we need only ask and You will give it liberally. So we ask today for a fresh filling of Your Wisdom. Give us the strength to walk in Your Truth, no matter the cost. Guard our hearts and keep our eyes fixed on You. Grow in us the fruit of Your Spirit…those things that will make us more like You. As we study Your Word, fill us and saturate us with more of You!!

Today, Father, we surrender our past and look to the future, thanking You that we are a new creation. No matter what we have done before today, we have Hope in You to take all things and use them for Your good and the good of Your Kingdom. Thank You that You are Faithful. Thank You that we can make our plans but You will direct our steps. We trust in You to do a mighty work in us and through us this year and carry it on to completion until the day we step into eternity with You.

Lord, we love You. Make our lives a living testimony of Your Love. We ask this in the powerful and mighty name of Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord who will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. AMEN.

To begin writing your prayer, examine your New Year's Resolution and prayerfully ask the Lord for to reveal the heart issue behind your resolution. Ask Him to lead you through His Word to verses that directly address what you hear.

Listen to God's promise in Hebrews 4:12:

For the Word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. it exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

Perhaps you want to lose weight because you feel unworthy of love due to your past, your present, or choices you have made. Find verses on God's great love for you...His promises that He created you just the way you are because He has a great plan and purpose for your life that only you can accomplish.

Perhaps you want to spend more time in the Word but you are too busy...you just can't fit it into your day. Find Scriptures on God's wisdom and priorities. Proverbs is a great place to start.

Perhaps you want to be a better wife and mother, but you have a temper that flares or a tongue that cuts like a knife. Open God's Word and find verses addressing speech, self-control, and patience. Proverbs and James are great places to start.

Once you have found your verses, take each one and personalize it. Then, put them together, along with your own heart's cry, to make a prayer. Copy your prayer into a journal or notebook. Write your verses on pieces of paper and put them where you can see them throughout the day. Memorize them.

I really liked this idea and will begin working on my prayer, praying that God show me the area I need work in, or areas actually, as I am sure that there is more than one. I will pray to understand the area and pray that he show me a plan to conquer it. I am excited about this prayer, and excited to see how it will change my days and months of this new year.

Planning for the Presense of Jesus-A Special Daily Devotional

2009-12-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

This morning, is Christmas Eve, and I am downstairs and my sweet husband is upstairs still laying in bed, listening to music on his IPod, I assume he needs to be alone, and will use this time to think, relax and reflect. So, I decide to go ahead and do my daily devotion, just as I do every morning during the week. I, for a split second, had thought that I might skip it. I need to be alone during my time with God, to pray, to read my devotion and take in and reflect upon it's statements, and verses, and try to discover how to apply it to my own life. Today was extra special. This devotion was meant for me...it has to be. I always like reading a devotional and discovering that it truly applies to me, and I'm like Wow, how awesome, and then there are times like today, where I am like, Wow, what a wake up call. You see, what makes this devotional so special is that yesterday my husband and I were talking about some of the issues that him and his mother are experiencing, and of course, I butted in and wanted to know if I had caused any of these issues to arrise, or worsen. He kindly told me, in the most gentle of ways, how I do have a few things, I could work on, among the details of our conversation, he mentioned to me that I need to relax more, and how my obbession with cleanliness is making others well, to put it in simple terms, "uncomfortable". We continued to talk about my little problem and how it is causing some people to get upset, and how in the future, this might cause more problems. Now, I know that I will always be a clean freak, no doubt, but there is time to clean and time to bond. I was pretty understanding, but also, pretty defensive. Last night, I was mostly just lost in my own thoughts, I felt like there was nothing wrong with the way I was, and well, to put it frank, "screw everyone else who isn't a clean freak". Well, that was until this morning, that was until I realized how I've been for so many years. For years, with company, I will retreat to the kitchen to hurry up and clean the mess of dishes, and spend a long time in there, while guests, our guests are enjoying each others company. I for years, spend hours, frantically cleaning every inch of our home,and before I got married, my apartment, preparing for my guests. Many times I became very stressed, loosing my temper, and becoming unpleasant to me around, just becuase I didn't give myself enough time to clean, to cook and make my self look presentable. Why? Why am I so obbessed? Well, I doubt I will ever know the answer, and honestly it is unimportant. On the other hand, what it is important is how my obession is affecting my relationships. My relationships are suffering becuase of my little problem, and it is eye opening to realize it.

God must be so happy to watch me this morning, and he must be saying to himself, look my child, look what I have to teach you. I read my devotion and began to understand, a little more, how important planning for the presense of God, and my guests, friends, family, really is in the big picture. Just as Mary knew that all the other details could wait, and she took the very special time she had with Jesus to sit at his feet, so should I. I need to work on remembering to "sit with Jesus", and to enjoy my time with family and friends and not spend my entire time cleaning. And even before my guests arrive, I need to plan accordingly, so that I am in the right peace of mind to host, and to be the friend and family that others need, and want. I need to work on not allowing my obession to seriously affect relationships. I pray that I will get better with this, and that I can still keep house as I'd like, but remember what's really important.

Here is the devotional for today..."But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made." Luke 10:40 (NIV)

I tend to consider myself a "Martha" type personality. And I don't mean Martha Stewart. That Martha was ready for Christmas in October, I'm sure.

No, I'm nothing like Martha Stewart. In fact, a few years ago I didn't even manage to decorate the tree. It had lights on it ONLY because it was a pre-lit tree! I managed to put a few gifts under it before Christmas because my dear children kept looking at me with big hopeful eyes, asking when I was going to wrap SOMETHING. But that was it. No cards. No Christmas concerts or caroling. No trip to see lights. Just a busy life made even busier.

For those who know the Luke 10 story of Martha and her sister Mary, that's the Martha I'm talking about. That Martha had the privilege of hosting Jesus in her home. But instead of sitting at His feet, like her sister Mary did, Martha worked and complained to Jesus that Mary wasn't helping her.

Let's put ourselves in that scene for a moment. Jesus has come to YOUR house. To visit YOU. And not only are you too busy to spend some time with Him, but the time you do have you spend complaining. You complain about "someone" not doing her job, and how you have to do all this work, and if only "someone" would help you then you could actually sit down and enjoy some time with Jesus and blah, blah, blah…

Martha wasted an amazing opportunity. And many times, so do I. She let the demands of every day overshadow the call of the divine. In fact, Jesus gently chided Martha, and affirmed Mary's choice to sit and spend time with Him in the middle of all the work that had to be done.

In verse 42 we read that Jesus told Martha her sister did what was "needed." So in Jesus' mind, whatever Martha was doing wasn't needed at that moment…whether it was to impress, pamper or comfort Him. Jesus just wanted Martha to sit down and spend time with Him.

Imagine if you had travelled far to visit the home of a friend. And in her desire to serve you, she never spends time with you. Do you know anyone like that? Don't you want to say, "Sit down. Relax. All this stuff doesn't matter. I came to spend time with you."

That's just what Jesus was saying to Martha. In other words,

Martha, thank you for caring about my needs. But, you don't have to worry so much. There's only one thing I want right now, and that's to spend time with you. Mary gets it. Come sit down next to your sister. The dishes will wait. But you won't have this time with Me very much longer.

Martha probably wasn't given much notice of Jesus' arrival, hence her rushing around. We, however, have been. Just as you would prepare for the arrival of a special guest to your home, I invite you to prepare for the presence of Jesus this Christmas.

Have you ever let the demands of the everyday pull you away from the divine? Have you ever chosen a good thing over the best thing? You're not alone. Today, I invite you to set aside all the preparations and distractions and sit in the presence of Jesus.

We don't have to do anything special to enjoy Jesus' company. We just have to quiet ourselves from the busyness of the day, take a deep breath, and allow Jesus to fill our hearts with His joy and peace. It can be sitting outside looking at the stars, listening to carols, or sipping a cup of coffee in front of a fire. Just sit down with nothing else to do and invite Jesus to join you.

When I think back about the scene recorded in Luke 10, between Martha and Mary, I can tell which sister had more peace in her life. And it wasn't Martha. This Christmas I definitely want to plan for the presence of Jesus – that's really all I need.

Dear Lord, thank You for the gift of Your son Jesus. As I go through this Christmas and the upcoming year, please help me set priorities that are pleasing to You. Help me remember to plan to enjoy the presence of Jesus more than I plan for the details. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Worship: Nearing the Heart of God by Glynnis Whitwer

Visit Glynnis’ blog for more encouragement!

Pursuing the Christ: 31 Morning and Evening Devotions for Christmastime by Jennifer Kennedy Dean

For more encouragement on intentionally focusing on Christ during busy seasons, click here

Application Steps:
Spend some time in prayer, asking God to show you His priorities for you this day and over the next year. Write down one or two things God brings to mind.

Reflections:
In holiday seasons past, when have you experienced the presence of Jesus most? Be specific.
How does time alone with Jesus change you?

Power Verses:
Luke 10:41-42, "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'" (NIV)

Philippians 4:7, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

© 2009 by Glynnis Whitwer. All rights reserve

Realized What's Important

2009-12-18T08:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Chris came home and found me crying. I was so upset, I had broke down crying so often that day. We are struggling financially, and the burden weighs heavy on Chris and flows to me. He is so stressed these days, and it breaks my heart. I just couldn't control my emotions yesterday, and yes, I am sure that the pregnancy hormones do play a big role in my emotional rollercoaster, but lately, I am crying allot. Anyways, he came home from work and I couldn't stop crying and he held me and looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Baby, it's going to be ok, everything will be ok, I promise". He also told me that a co-worker had lost his Dad the night before and another co-worker had just lost his grandfather. He told me that he realized all we had to be blessed about, and how small and not-important getting all mad, angry, stressed is, in comparrison to thier losses.

I finally stopped my uncontrolable crying, and was more grateful than I can express for these few minutes where my husband was compassionate, honest and understanding. I was so grateful that the Lord helped him see these losses and realize what was truly important. I was grateful for so much.

He was so kind, gentle and loving. I shared with him the baby memory book I bought, we laid together listening to music in the dark, and then later went to dinner. We had a great evening together.

Darla

Another Really Good Devotional

2009-12-18T08:26:00.000-08:00

Friday, December 18, 2009
10:26 AM

Well what can I say? I read another really good devotional, and had to share. I needed this today, it is SO amazing that my God speaks to me exactly when I need him to, WOW, my God is SO GOOD! He renews my hope, fills my heart with peace and strengthens me with only a few minutes spent listening to him, meeting him for a little chat. Thank you Lord!

Here is the devotional (From Proverbs 31 Ministries)

As I started my run, old thoughts poured into my head. You are not beautiful. You are not special. Your life doesn't count. After years of reading the Truth, studying the Truth and even teaching the Truth, it was hard to believe I still struggled with these dark thoughts. I guess I shouldn't have expected the enemy to lie down and give up. He knows my weaknesses and all my buttons to push.

As lies poured in, I retrieved scriptures stored in my mind and heart. He sees me as beautiful. He says He is wild about me. He is more than enough for me. He is all I need.

Mulling over these precious chunks of God's Word, tears began to pour. This is what I needed. I didn't need more words of affirmation from my husband. I didn't need another pat on the back from a friend. I needed a new outpouring of love from my Love. I needed to be reminded of who He says I am, to give up the old lies and replace them with His Truths.

When we come into His presence, He fills us. The Lord changes us so that we are not the same as we were when we came to Him. Ezekiel 46:9 represents this exchange of old for new. The people of Israel were told when they came into the temple area to worship, they were to enter through one gate and exit through the opposite gate. So the same should be true with us; we are "not to go back as we came, but more holy, and heavenly, and spiritual" (Matthew Henry). As we enter into our special times with God, we need to come out the "opposite gate," different than the way we went in.

After an hour of running, crying and praying to God, I returned home a different woman. Now, I was ready. Ready to be the wife and mom I needed to be. Ready to be God's vessel to pour out. Being in the Lord's presence restored me. I had been filled and changed.

Dear Lord, I need You today. Living this life sometimes drains me and leaves me empty. As I come through Your gates and into Your presence, change me. Pour Your life and heart into me so that as I leave through the "opposite gate," I am not the same woman as when I came in. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Todays Devotion-A Gut Honest Look At Love

2009-12-17T08:56:00.000-08:00

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lately I have been waking up, making my decaf coffee, turning the Christmas lights on, telling Gracie to go outside and potty, giving her a treat, and finally…relaxing to my couch to talk to God. I know that opening my day with prayer, conversing with my Heavenly Father, is the best way to begin any and everyday. Sometimes I get a little distracted by other things online, but most of the time I am able to focus, to begin first with prayer, followed by a daily devotion. My Mom, for the entire time I've known her, has done daily devotions, and I've always looked up to her for her diligence when it comes to "keeping the faith". She would sit down, have her breakfast, her coffee and meet with God. So, I think it is pretty cool to follow in her footsteps. I hope that once baby Tristan arrives I will have the diligence to also sit down and meet with God. I decided to try Proverbs 31 Ministries (for Women) as a way to "get fed the word of God", and so far, so good. I wanted to share today's devotion, one because it is awesome, and two because this is actually something that I feel I tend to struggle with in my own life. I prayed this morning that God would speak to me, and I believe he did. Lately I have been guilty of expecting Chris (my hubby) to fill in empty spaces (to "love me" MORE). I am beginning to see that my emotional rollercoaster (mostly due to pregnancy hormones-but is still not an excuse, may be just weighing to heavy on him. He works so hard all day, comes home, and many times has to accomplish a few chores around the house, and then all the sudden I will break down, and he is responsible for "making everything all better"? No. Enough is enough, and I cannot continue to expect so much, so often. He loves me dearly, and yes, at times, like any marriage, there are times where we must remind out husbands that we need certain things, no one is perfect, but I must remember that it is not his responsibility to "fill my cup". Lord, help me to remember this.

Darla

"…if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:2 (NIV)

As the holidays approach, I have to be careful about developing an overly ideal view of love. Sometimes I'm guilty of setting the expectations so high of what a 'love filled' Christmas should be that it dooms me to feeling disappointed and grumpy. Ever been there?

Well, this year I am feeling challenged to look at love a little differently. I don't want to repeat a habit that I've had from the past where I expect unrealistic things from those I love. I used to hold out the little cup of my heart to my husband, "Will you fill my empty spaces? Will you do that one really romantic thing that makes me feel like I'm the most terrific and special woman in the world?"

Then I would hold it out to my children, "Will you fill up my empty spaces? Will you do something that makes me look really good as a mom so I'll feel a little more validated?"

Then I would hold it out to my friends, "Will you fill up my empty spaces? Will you provide something today that makes me feel more included and significant?"

Maybe Christmas is an odd time to consider such things.

Or, maybe this season celebrating Jesus is the perfect time to hit the reset button on my sometimes frail heart. Love is a tricky thing. Our hearts were created to crave it. But misplaced expectations from love can wreak havoc in a person's heart.

God proclaims in 1 Corinthians 13:8 that love never fails. And in the quietness of my heart that verse makes me squirm a bit. I see love failing all the time. Or do I?

If my only view of love is what it will give me, love from others will fail me every time. It's not that love fails. It's that other people were never meant to be my God. Even a great husband, wonderful children and a thriving ministry can never truly fill me up, right all my wrongs, and soothe those deep insecurities. Not at Christmas. Not at any other time of the year.

No, I can't read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 with eyes hungry to see what love should give me and then demand it from those around me. I should read those steadfast Scriptures with the realization that this is the kind of love God gives to me. And this is the kind of love I can choose to give to other people.

I can choose that my love will be patient. My love will be kind. My love won't keep a record of wrongs. (Ouch - that's a hard one, right?)

I can choose that my love will protect and persevere.

And I can choose to lay the cup of my heart at Jesus' feet and stop twirling, twirling, twirling...hoping- demanding- that those around me do things for me they were never meant to do.

Interestingly enough, when I read 1 Corinthians 13 again this morning I found an odd yet perfect verse toward the end of this chapter. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me" (verse 11).

Yes indeed. How funny I never connected that verse about putting away childish things with 1 Corinthians 13 - known as the chapter of love. Oh how we have the propensity to grow in other areas while keeping such a childish, selfish view of love.

Love isn't what I have the opportunity to get from this world. Love is what I have the opportunity to give. And I guess there's no more appropriate time to remember this than Christmas.

Dear Lord, thank You for the ability to see love in the proper way. Help me to know how to be filled with Your love so I don't try to get others to fill my empty spaces. Lord, give me wisdom with each of my relationships. Make me a woman that properly lives the principals in 1 Corinthians 13. In Jesus' Name, Amen.Reflections:

We need to learn to live the love in 1 Corinthians 13. But this doesn't mean we enable others to treat our love with disdain. Sometimes boundaries need to be drawn in relationships to keep things healthy. Choosing love doesn't mean letting others disrespect or abuse us.

Are there some relationships in your life that need some healthy boundary lines drawn? Are there some relationships where you need to get a pastor or Christian counselor involved? Pray and ask God to reveal to you how to properly live the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 with the people in your life.

Power Verses:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." (NIV)© 2009 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Letters to Tristan

2009-12-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Tristan,

I am 32 weeks pregnant with you, and so full of emotion. I am excited beyond words, but I am also nervous. I often wonder if I will be a good mother to you. I am just not that familar with infants, and it scares sometimes to think that there might be times where I don't know what you need. I long to hold you, to see your beautiful face...but I hope that I am able to comfort you.

I am surprised sometimes that we have made it this far. When I was 24 weeks, I was addmitted to the hospital for pre-term labor, and the dr and nurses felt that you would most likely arrive early, and put me on bed rest. Now look at you, you are rocking and rolling!

Just yesterday, at our dr appointment, Dr Young had a huge smile on his face, and you couldn't help but notice how proud and excited he was about me making this far...he said "32 weeks!" "You are rocking and rolling"! He was right!

It has been such an adventure, one that I forever will cherish. Daily I am filled with such happiness and feel so extremely blessed that you are growing inside and that one day, your Daddy and me will have the joy of holding you, looking into your precious eyes and telling you how much we adore you, love you and kissing your oh so soft skin.

We are almost finished with your nursery. I sure you hope you love it. I have enjoyed decorating it so much. I have just a few last minute touches to add. You probably will not notice all the details that make it so perfect, and precious, but that's ok, your Daddy and I just had to make it beautiful for you. We have decorated it in blue (North Carolina Blue--one day you will understand--one day you will lay with your Daddy and watch a game with him), brown, white and ivory. I handmade so many of the things in your room. I don't know why, but the entire time I have been pregnant with you, I have had the urge to make everything. Thanks to one of your Grandmothers (Daddy's Mom), I was able to teach myself to sew and made all sorts of things in your nursery. Daddy helped out tremendously, he is quite creative and has enjoyed adding special touches to your room.

We have bought all the clothes you should need when you arrive, and a few extra peices (just because we couldn't resist). I love buying your clothes, they are so little and so cute! I cannot wait to dress you in these precious clothes and take pictures of you. Oh, yes, there will be so many photos. We have washed the clothes (all expect a few) and have folded and hung them up. We have also purchased many other items for the big day, and your arrival. There are only a few more things that we need to have before you are here.

Our Baby Shower was nice. Friends and Family joined us to celebrate your upcoming arrival. We were so blessed to have been given the shower by Jennifer, Mark and your future God Mother Tisha.

Your Daddy and I have decided to make my brother Dusty and his wife Tisha, your God Parents. This means that if ever something happened where your Daddy and Me left to be with the Lord, you would go to live with them. We picked them carefully, making sure that this was the best fit for you, and we feel very confident in this decision. We know that they would love you just as we do, and that you would enjoy your life with them. They are delighted in this decision, and have been very supportive during my pregnancy.

We still need to choose a Pediatrician for you, we have to do this soon. Don't worry though, we will soon.

We Love You!
Love,
Mommy

In the Third Trimester!

2009-11-17T08:49:00.000-08:00

I went into my third trimester last Wednesday, I was so excited, and soooo blessed. I still cannot believe that I am still pregnant sometimes. I know that God has so richly blessed us with a miracle.

These days I am doing pretty good. Still on dr ordered bed rest. I am a bad patient though, and find that I am up more than I should, but for the most part, I am laying down, or sitting all day. On occasion, I get out, bed rest is hard.

My belly is getting bigger, and I am starting to become a little uncomfortable. It is getting more difficult for me to get out of bed. I sort of just roll off. Ha haha

I am inot feeling Tristan as much these days, but I am sitting up sewing alot. I seem to feel him the most lying down on my side.

I have an appointment with the dr on Wednesday, just a check up. Last Wednesday, I went into the dr for the Glucose Test (tests for Gestational Diabetes), and I never heard from the nurse, or dr, so I assume this is good news and I have not developed diabetes. This is a blessing.

I believe I will be going to the dr every week until I have the baby. I will be 29 Weeks on Wednesday!!! My dr told me that I'd make it to 30 weeks, but I am curious how far after that I will make it. My goal is to get to 35 or 36 Weeks. 34 weeks is December 23.

I am pretty sure that the Dr will take my cerclage out at 36 weeks, but it might be 35 weeks. Everyone (family and friends) seems to think (especially Chris) that I will go into labor within hours after my cerclage is removed. I am not sure.

I just really want to be able to take Tristan home when I get released from the hospital, and I want him healthy!

Here is a picture of my belly at 28 Weeks.

A New Business Perhaps???

2009-11-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking about starting a business to make money, and still be able to stay home with our baby when he arrives. I have grown to seriously adore sewing, and these days, I am in the mood to make everything!

Chris and I have handmade everything in the nursery, and I am so glad we decided to make the crib bedding on our own. I have been working on several projects to complete the nursery, as well as a few sewing projects.

A friend told me that I should think about getting together a website and try to sell some of the amazing creations I have come up with, I haven't done the website...but am really thinking about selling curtains (custom made), maternity shirts (boutique style), and burp cloths.

More than anything, I'd like to focus the business around Maternity shirts and burp cloths.

Here are a few pictures of my latest crafts! These I made for a friend who is pregnant, having a girl...her shower is this weekend! I can't wait to give it to her. I also sewed her baby a very beautiful blanket. I really hope she loves everything.

Trick or Treat

2009-11-03T17:27:00.001-08:00

Baby on the way

2009-11-03T17:25:00.002-08:00

Our Baby, Our Miracle, Ultra Sound Pics

2009-11-03T17:25:00.001-08:00

Gracie

2009-11-03T17:23:00.001-08:00

Hubby Get's Hurt

2009-11-03T17:21:00.000-08:00

Chris tore his achilles tendon, had surgery and is recovering. My poor baby! He is one tough cookie though!

Feeling Crafty!

2009-11-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

Belly Get's Bigger

2009-11-03T17:19:00.000-08:00

Make Room for Baby!

2009-11-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

25 Weeks

2009-11-03T17:11:00.000-08:00

24 Weeks

2009-11-03T17:02:00.000-08:00

At 24 Weeks we found ourselves in the Labor & Delivery Department at St. Lukes Hospital in The Woodlands. I went in after experiencing 9 contractions an hour, and called the Dr, and was told to go. I stayed in the Observation area for a few hours being monitored and given meds to slow contractions. The baby was fine, but the meds did not work, so I was admitted to the hospital, put in my own room and started on stronger meds to control the contractions. I was given Magnesium Sulfate, antibiotics and 2 steriod shots to help the baby's lungs develop (in case he came really early). The Magnesium was awful and the side effects were difficult to deal with. Everyone prayed hard, we prayed hard, and after 6 days of treatment for contractions & hospital bed rest...I was released to go home, where I would & still remain on bed rest for the remainder of this pregnancy. We are hoping and praying the meds work and this baby does not decide to come too early. We are excited to meet our little miracle, but we want him safe and healthy. We love this baby boy so much.

19 Weeks

2009-11-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

My Friend

2009-10-07T19:01:00.000-07:00

It's a BOY!

2009-10-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

2009-09-10T15:53:00.000-07:00

My point of view

2009-09-10T14:40:00.001-07:00

"Was that you Baby"?

2009-09-10T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got to 19 weeks! I cannot explain all the emotions I felt, but one for sure, BLESSED! I am so blessed to be here. It has been a long road already, but a long road I can handle. I just feel so happy to be at 18 weeks and hoping that this baby is healthy and will stay with us. I also felt alot of anxiety because we lost Eliana around 19 weeks. I know that I have to trust in God. I just continue to pray, and hope.

So, the coolest thing happened yesterday...the baby started moving!!! At first I wondered if it was really the baby because it felt like little nudges, or pokes. I laid on the couch looking at my bare tummy and thinking, "was that the baby?" After several hours of the same feeling, I basically decided that it had to be the baby. HOW COOL! I loved it. At one point while watching my bare tummy, I really thought I saw my tummy move, not allot, just a little poke. It was so amazing. I called Chris and told him and he thought it was great. I kept waiting for the baby to move again when Chris got home, and hoped that Chris could feel it or see my stomach move, but he couldn't see it or feel it, I guess I have to be farther along and the baby has to be bigger to make bigger movements.

I cleaned the house yesterday and did some laundry. It looked allot better. I still need to clean the floors and wipe the bathrooms down, but I think I will wait till tomorrow, or maybe this afternoon. I also cooked dinner last night, and after it was done and I cleaned up, my back was pretty sore. It was so sweet though, Chris came downstairs after taking a shower and said, "your the bestest wife ever!" It was so sweet, I thought to myself, wow, he is such an amazing husband. He told me that he was so thankful for cleaning and doing laundry and cooking. All I can say is that I truly am so in love with this man, and he is such a blessing. I love him so much.
Last night I had a really hard time sleeping. This is becoming the norm. I hope that I don't spend the rest of the pregnancy having such a hard time sleeping. I fell asleep ok, but then woke up around 3 and was really hot and my back hurt and I couldn't get comfortable. It is easy to get frustrated when this happens, but I try to keep calm. I felt bad cause I woke Chris up, but he wasn't mad, he was concerned and wanted to make sure I was ok.

Today I am not feeling the baby as much, but I know the baby sleeps on and off. I am really happy to be 19 weeks!

17 + Weeks

2009-09-09T16:49:00.000-07:00

My Mother told me that I could not worry and trust at the same time. She was right.

At 17+ Weeks, my belly continues to grow and so does my anxiety. I call my mother often when I am worried, upset and need some encouragement. She always turns it over to the Lord and refers to the word of God to help me re direct my thoughts. I am so blessed for her continued thoughts and prayers as well as others who are also praying.

We are very excited about this baby, and the longer we are pregnant the more we are in LOVE. Of course who wouldn't be, right? We spend allot of time talking about the baby, and praying. We love to look at baby stuff, and also look online allot at bedding and furniture for the nursery. We have been told the gender, but we are waiting to announce this news until I am 20 weeks.

I am starting to feel better, although I still have some bad days. For the most part though, the 2nd

trimester is going fairly well.

We use the doppler about every other night, this helps allot.

WE LOVE HEARING THE HEARTBEAT.

2009-09-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

I am really looking forward to when I feel the baby move again. I keep waiting, but nothing. Mom says that she thinks that because I first felt the baby move on Aug 20 that I will probably have the baby sometime around Jan 15-20, so we'll see. I would be very happy with these dates, anytime, just as long as the baby is healthy.

All my books say that you should start feeling the baby move anytime between 18 and 22 weeks, so given that I am now 18 + weeks, I am very much looking forward to this remarkable feeling. I really can't wait till Chris is able to feel the baby too. I know he is so excited.

circle pain

2009-08-29T09:42:00.001-07:00

The other night when Chris and I were laying in bed, I suddenly said, "oww!", and Chris said "are you having circle pain"? I started laughing and he was like, "what"? I laughed and said "you mean round ligament pain", and he said, "yeah, round, circle, same thing". It was so cute and so funny! I thought it was a great pregnancy moment to document.

16 Weeks and 6 Days, and our journey continues

2009-08-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

Well today I am 16 Weeks and 6 days. It has been a bit of a rough week, but me and baby are still doing ok. I am still cramping from the cerclage, and still having to take some meds for the pain. Yesterday I had a scare and Chris took me to the Dr to get checked out. As it turned out he said that I had maybe bladder spasms or probably uterine contractions and put me on some meds to stop the contractions. It really scared me when I started cramping so bad, they were so intense and I hadn't felt that kind of pain before, and decided to call the dr, which later we just decided to go see him, just to make sure all was ok. We are glad we went in, and later that evening we came home and found that the doppler we had ordered had arrived in the mail! We were so thrilled. We used it last night and got to hear the heart beat, it was amazing. (I am going to do a full post on the doppler a little later this week).

All in all, I am doing ok. I am still blessed to have this little miracle healthy inside my tummy and we are getting more and more excited about this baby we created. We continue to pray DAILY for the health of the baby. I am still nauseas at times, but starting to get a little more energy day by day.

Chris has been amazing and continues to love, encourage and calm me during this pregnancy. I am so blessed to have him.

16 Weeks

2009-08-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

My Husband ROCKS Friday

2009-08-21T09:57:00.001-07:00

We had a little bit of a rocky week, but we made it through. Bed rest is not easy on my husband, but he survived. He is so strong and I am so blessed to have him. He and I have been struggling a bit with finances and he is teaching me that all the little "wants" are not that necessary and we really need to save money and pay bills and so I am learning to do this, with his direction and help. It is not easy. He has always been very responsible and able to keep his finances and our finances in order. Thank goodness he is so careful, if it was up to me, we'd be in trouble for sure!

The past couple of nights it has meant so much to me to be near him and I have found great comfort in his gentle embrace and loving ways. He has realized that pregnancy hormones are very real, and even though it may be very frustrating and confusing, he is really there for me and helps me get through my bad moments, scary thoughts, and he reminds me of my faith and he even seems to be able to put a smile on my face.

He has been tough, and I am so thankful for his commitment to his work. He works so hard, and I know he's be so much happier doing something else, easier, but he is committed, and everyday, he wakes up and goes to work. Thank you Lord for such a hard working man.

Gracie...her love is healing

2009-08-17T15:19:00.001-07:00

A dog is a man's best friend, or should I say, a girl's best friend. For the past 3 days I cannot stop crying. I know that pregnancy hormones have allot to due with my situation and make the tears flow faster and easier. I also know that lifes struggles play into this state I find myself in now. But when I am crying my eyes out, I look up and find the friendliest face. Her face, the face that says "it's ok mommy, i love you mommy". She makes me better in a way, even if it is only for a few moments, and before the next wave of tears come upon me, I know she will still be there waiting to comfort me. She makes me calm. She knows nothing of this stress, worry, anxiety, fear and confusion, she just knows that her mommy looks sad. She jumps on me with both paws close to my face and licks the tears away. She cocks her little head to the side and waits for me to sigh a sigh of relief and for a moment pause and take in all that her has offered, love. She offers love. She offers it unconditionally, asking nothing in return. She offers love, wanting only to perhaps be held and feel love back, which in a way heals me. Her love is healing. I am so blessed to have her and I don't know that she will ever really know how much I love her, but I will tell her. I love you Gracie. Mommy thanks you for all you do to make my tears fall a little less.

15 weeks and 4 days

2009-08-17T14:33:00.000-07:00

Chelsie

2009-08-16T16:22:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful that Chelsie came to stay with us right after my surgery. I was put on bed rest following the surgery and it was so helpful for her to be here with me. She was so sweet and helpful. I am also very glad that we got to spend time together before she heads to college.

I will surely miss her when she heads to school, but she is so excited and I am so proud of her.

I love you girl!!

Surgery

2009-08-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

I had surgery on Aug 11th at 8:30 AM at St. Lukes Hospital in The Woodlands. I had a hard time sleeping the night before, I guess I was just nervous. The morning of the surgery I was feeling pretty calm. I woke up about 6:30, took a shower and got some comfy clothes on for the day. Chris and I drove to the hospital and both prayed. I knew that the Lord would take care of me and baby, and I believe that he gave me a peace for that day. When we arrived to the hospital we checked in and went to the 2nd floor and only waited about 5 minutes before the nurse took me back to my room. Once in the room (pre-op area) I changed into the lovely hospital gown, and the nurse prepared me for the surgery. I saw Dr. Young and the drug dr before heading to the operating room. I was surprised with myself, I was a little nervous, but my prayers and the prayers of those who prayed were answered, I was confident in my Dr's abilities and felt a peace that all would be ok. The surgery was to sew closed my cervix. It is called a cerclage. It only lasted about 45 minutes and then I was taken to the recovery room. Soon after I woke up, Chris was there holding my hand and smiling. I was very happy to see him. I stayed at the hospital for a few hours and then was released that afternoon.

I am still recovering and am on bed rest. My niece Chelsie came to help out and Chris has helped allot. Being on bed rest is hard on him, he is not used to doing everything, but he is toughing it out. I am still on pain medicine and having cramps because of the surgery. Over all the surgery was successful so far, and we hope for a full recovery soon.

Surgery tomorrow

2009-08-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the day of my surgery (cerclage). T0day I have felt pretty good and actually had some energy so I decided to clean and catch up on stuff around the house that needed tending. I did a few loads of laundry in between cleaning, dusting, vacumming, and picking up. I also gave Gracie a mini hair cut and bathed her, she is now clean and cute, but afraid of the thunder outside. It feels good to get the house cleaner and Gracie clean before tomorrow. I also wanted to get these done because I will be on bed rest for the next several days and needed it to be done. I couldn't stand looking at it all.

Dinner needs to be made soon, I am getting hungry, but I am waiting for Chris to come home and carry the vaccum downstairs so I can vaccum 1st floor and then kitchen, before starting dinner. After dinner I think I will take a shower, or a bath.

I am beginning to wonder if I will be able to sleep at all tonight? I am feeling a bit nervous about the surgery tomorrow. I know that I need to trust in God, it is just hard sometimes. I feel a little worried about the baby, a little nervous about how the cerclage will hold up, but again, I know I must rely on God.

Great Day

2009-08-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

Last night, as the night was getting later, Chris turned to me and said, "this was a great day"! He said it with great enjoyment, as he smiled and turned back toward our neighbors house and rang the doorbell. I smiled, agreeing and then he went on to tell me why quickly before they answered the door. His comments made me smile bigger and I had to agree, it was a great day. What I think I really liked the best was hearing that HE thought it was a great day. He works so hard during the week and I love knowing that he had a "great day". He was excited and happy that his Saturday could not have gone better.

We walked in to watch the UFC fight, something he really loves and layed down on the couch enjoying the expression on his face. A great day is something wonderful.

What did we do???? First we slept in, aww yes, sleeping in...sleep is both something we love and Chris loves it probably more than he loves alot of things. We took our time waking up in each others arms and relaxing, knowing that we had no plans and nothing to rush for, we could lay there all day if we wished. We talked about our dreams and stuff about the baby, we talked about the day and maybe what we'd eat for breakfast. I took a shower while he stayed in bed, relaxing with Gracie. After my shower, we ate breakfast (simple: cereal), and decided that we would go to Lowes and maybe one other place to check out baby stuff for the nursery. We got dressed and went to Lowes. We found the chair rail and crown molding for the room, and decided to wait to purchase it though when we had more money. Then we looked and found a chandelier for the baby room. I had always envisioned a chandelier in the nursery and we found agreed on one! We were both so happy with what we found and decided to buy it. I love it and he loves it. Then we went to lunch at Rudy's Barbeque. This place is awesome. He took me there a few weeks ago and ever since I have just loved it and wanted to go back. We both got a stuffed beef baked potato...YUMMY. He got chocolate pudding and I got peach cobbler for desert. After lunch we headed to a furniture store just to see if they had a dresser for pretty cheap, no luck though. Then we tried Target for the dresser and really didn't find anything. As we were heading to wallmart we found a salvation army store. It was their first day open and we decided to check out some baby clothes, boy did we score some great deals. We had allot of fun shopping for the clothes. After our adventure we headed home to hang the chandelier, although we didn't get to far because the fight was starting, so stopped and headed next door. A great day!

My Mom

2009-08-09T16:25:00.000-07:00

My Husband Rocks -Officially 1st Post

2009-08-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

I love the "My Husband Rocks" blog team. They all post something special that their husbands did during the week and on Fridays they post. I have been wanting to join this team and just really love and appreciate the concept. There are so many moments I could write about when my husband ROCKS...but I will pick one or a few and make it a goal to post about him every Friday. These memories are ones that should be treasured and remembered forever.

My Husband is truly THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. There are so many special things I could say about him, but for the sake of running my mouth, I will keep it short. He is my strength, comforter, encourager, friend, lover, and my calm in my storm.

Earlier this week when we were in the car, he turned up a song that was on the radio and said that this was his song for me, that it was how he felt about me, and my heart melted. Here is the song. Brad Paisley "Then"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGNadW5fH1E

Here are the lyrics
I remember Trying not to stare the night i first me you
You had me memorized three weeks later
in the front porch light
taking forty five minutes to kiss good night
I hadn't told you then
I thought I loved you then

(Chorus)now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just cant believe the way i feel about you girl
Like the river meets the sea
stronger then its ever been
we've come so far since that day
and I thought I loved you then

I remember
Taking you back
To right where I first met you
you were so surprised there were people around
but i didn't care I got down on one knee
right there once again I thought i loved you then

(Chorus)now your my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just cant believe the way i feel about you girl
Like the river meets the sea
stronger then its ever been
we've come so far since that day
and I thought i loved you then

break

I can just see with you with a baby on the way
i can just see you when your hair is turning gray
what i cant see
Is how I'm never gonna love you more
but I've said that before

now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just cant believe the way i feel about you girl

You'll look back some day
at this moment that we're in
and ill look at you and say
and i thought i loved you then
and i thought i loved you then

I was so touched by this song. It is also how I feel about him. I really do love him so much more then I did before, and I feel and know that love will continue to grow stronger.

He also ROCKS because although I have been quite emotional this week, he has been so patient and kind and founds ways to be affectionate & to let me know he cares. I was standing by the sink last night and he came up behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist and under my arms, hugged me tight and then kissed me softly on my cheek. It was so sincere, so sweet. I needed that but didn't know it. He is truly amazing. I love him so much. He has had to work in horrible heat and long hours this week and he just keeps getting up and going to work. I am so blessed to have a husband who is a hard worker and one is committed to his wife and the well being of his family.

2009-08-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Gracie is addicted to drinking water out of our bathtub. It is the funniest thing...and at times it is annoying, but we love her so much and yes, she is SPOILED!!! She stands in front of the bathtub until we lift her up and put her in there and then take her out. She loves it. I don't know why, and don't know any other dogs that do this, but again, she is such a little princess. She has gone through so many water bowls, in our attempt to have her drink like normal doggies, but no, she just prefers the water from our bathtub. Every now and then, I can convince her to drink water out of her stainless steel bowl downstairs, but she wants me to rinse

it out first and refill it in front of her,

and then she will drink it. Silly Gracie...

Mommy's Lil Cupcake

2009-08-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

BOY or GIRL our tiny miracle at 14 weeks

2009-08-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

Will Baby Andel be a BOY or GIRL???? What is your guess? Daddy wants boy (of course) and Mommy wants girl (of course)...but more than anything...we just want a healthy baby and we are so excited and blessed about this tiny miracle. Here is Baby Andel at 14 Weeks.

13 Weeks--Our Miracle

2009-08-06T15:20:00.001-07:00

At 13 weeks I am doing pretty good. I still suffer from nausea, headaches and still have issues with low blood pressure (ortho-static hypo-tension), however we are blessed and baby is healthy. I am getting bigger and really want to document the growing belly (baby). I have had a few fainting spells this week, so I remain on the couch for most of the day. Baby is moving so much during ultra sound sessions, it is so fun watching all the bouncing, kicking, jumping this little miracle makes in the womb! The heart rate stays around 160's and this baby is active as can be, although, I still have yet to feel it. Hopefully soon...

Chris has continued to be so supportive, caring and kind. He is so patient when I am emotional, cooks, cleans and still finds time to care for me with hugs , kisses and compassion. He is silly at times and I find myself laughing, I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH!!! I am so blessed to have a husband who is truly there for me during this time.

We have talked allot about names, and are really beginning to get excited. We still have our moments where we feel nervous because of our previous loss, but we are really depending on our faith and find ourselves on our knees most of the time. You always hear that after the 12th week that the chances of miscarriage is allot lower, but for us, loosing a baby late means worry now, more than worry early. (if that makes sense). Again, we are praying daily, sometimes several times a day. We are so grateful for the family and friends that continue to pray for me and baby. It feels great to be at 13 weeks though and we are looking forward to the future.

2009-08-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

2009-08-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Songs for the Soul

2009-07-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

There are a few songs that are really speaking to my soul, they are drawing me closer to my personal Father, Savior, Friend and GOD. I want to share them. I am sorta struggling with a little thing right now, and really having to trust in God and believe that his will is best. I must trust that he knows best and he will NOT FAIL ME.

My mother reminded me the other day to really trust him. She said to me that he has saved me, saved me from death so many times in my life, and he has a plan for my life. She is right. Trust is something that I think many people struggle with in their walk with God sometimes. She reminded me of scriptures that tell us to trust and hearing the word helps. Music is healing as well, and therefore I have been digging deep into a few songs that touch my soul, lift my spirits and draw me into the pure, sweet and true source of peace....GOD.

God Bless,

Darla

Music Is Healing

2009-07-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs38lKxmtI4
Here is the video for "Run to You" Lady Antebellum

I love this video, and song. Every now and then there is a song that grabs your attention, your heart, your soul. It encompasses such beauty, simplicity, and truth, and it elevates your spirit. For me, music is healing. I can hear a song and find peace, find answers, find truth. I listen to a song and realize small miracles that God has unfolded graciously. I listen to songs and become stronger. Strength can be found in a moment when the right words in the song hit you like a ton of bricks and as your laying there helpless, you find that inner self, the part of you that knows that deep within you, you hold a power to survive. You are stronger when you stand and you are changed. Then there are the songs that speak of love, falling in love, they define that moment when you close your eyes and your heart is filled with so much emotion because you have found it, IT, LOVE, true love. These songs replay over and over in your mind, and you find yourself walking and then floating, floating around in love. You smile thinking about how the words fit exactly. These songs make love more alive. Then you find youself listening to these love songs one evening, and it's you and your love, just lost in each others eyes andthere passion explodes.

For me, there are so many songs that I love. Music is healing. One should take the time to explore all that music means to behold in ones life. Finding that song that helps depression, or helps the struggle of a life gone too quickly before us, it is healing. Even when I was younger I can remember music meaning so much to me, but just like so many youths, I was running so fast and don't know that ever even realized the words had more power than the beat of the drum.

This video is powerful, this song is inspiring more than anything I've ever heard. It woke up a part of me that was dead. Everyone should say what they need to say...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ0z86LmXBM

"Say" John Mayer.

Songs that bring me closer to God, are my favorite. I find myself talking to God on such a personal level when these songs are heard. A few of my favorites right now are Addison Road
"What do I know of Holy", "Hope Now". Thank you Lord for Music!!!

Another favorite song right now is "I Just Call You Mine" Martina McBride. ***This song is how I feel about my hubby. He SO AMAZING and he is ALL MINE!!! I love you so much baby. You are such a blessing to me. Thank you for everything you do everyday.
Here is the video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcZoNBngAnM

I love it!

Again, I just LOVE MUSIC. I really enjoy listening to music, all kinds.

Here is a few more...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8f8RHWMPyY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNTxy1to33U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLA06UmFg0s

Feel free to share your favorites with me!

A little Bump In the Road

2009-07-22T10:32:00.001-07:00

We made it through our first BUMP in the Road. I am still suffering from low blood pressure. It makes me feel like I am going to pass out. Lately, I feel like I can't stand up longer than 30 seconds without thinking I am going to fall. It is hard, but I will make it through.

I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Young a few days after I was released from the hospital. He put me on Phenergan to help with the severe nausea. Chris and I had a time trying to locate the Phen gel though, but eventually we located it at Kroger in the Woodlands. It seems to be helping pretty well. I am starting to be able to eat a little more. It is always worse in the mornings, and I usually stay in bed to ride it out. I get up anywhere between 9 and 11:30. I am not always sleeping till then though. The Dr said that Phen would make me tired, but it doesn't at all. Of course Chris and I have really come to realize that I am anything but normal. But, I am grateful for the medication.

He also put me on iron. I am anemic, but not too bad. He also wrote me a prescription for maternity compression hose, but they cost $115 and we really don't have the money for it right now. So, I am going to look online to see if I see any cheaper.

The baby was doing really well at the checkup, even though, I practically passed out again while on the bed in the dr room, while waiting for the dr. Chris stood fanning me, hoping to not end up back in the hospital. We made it through.

The baby was moving around so much he could barely get the heartbeat. But eventually our little dancer slowed down enough to catch it. 167 beats per minute. GIRL OR BOY????

10 Week Update

2009-07-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

At 10 Weeks, I am starting to really see a baby bump. It is very exciting. At this point in my pregnancy I am very nauseas, which seems to last all day. In the morning of course it is worse. I also get so many sinus headaches, they are just terrible. My doctor says that I can use Ocean Nasal Spray, and Tylenol if I must. Usually I try the spray first and then if it is not better in a few hours, I end up taking a Tylenol. I feel guilty taking stuff, but I know that it is safe for the baby. The nausea makes my appetite nothing...so I am struggling to find food I CAN eat. I tend to like Chili from Wendy's, pickles and lemons. I love the lemon slush from Sonic. I also like Cherry 7 Up. I am also very tired. I have been having trouble sleeping, mostly because I am up to pee all night. BUT---I know everything will be worth it. So, I will endure it all.

We have had a few doctors appointments already, and they have gone really well. During our first appointment we met our new doctor, Clayton Young, MD. He specializes in high risk pregnancies. He seems nice, compassionate and caring. He also seems to be taking my situation very seriously and watching me and the baby very closely, which makes us feel good. During these appointments we have been able to see the baby on ultra sound and hear the heart beat! What a magnificent sound!! We were so filled emotion when we saw the baby and heard the heartbeat. The baby even started moving around at 10 weeks and it is fun to watch it.

Here is a video

Were Pregnant!

2009-07-16T08:37:00.001-07:00

We are pregnant! Words cannot describe how blessed we feel. We are excited, a little scared and so grateful to our Lord. We prayed and God answered. We are expecting a baby (A MIRACLE) on February 3, 2010.

One morning I decided to take a home pregnancy test. I had thought it might be too early to take it, but thought, owell, I'll just do it anyway. Sure enough, it wasn't too early...and a positive test is what I found!!! I picked up the stick, having not gotten too worked up because I didn't expect a positive this early, and looked, and there before my eyes was 2 pink lines. THE BEST PICTURE EVER!!

I took the test, walked out of my bathroom and fell onto my bed in our room. Staring up at the ceiling, I began to let it sink in, and as soon as it did, tears began to fall, TEARS OF JOY! Tears that meant only sheer happiness, blessings had been given to me by my Savior, my Lord. Our Lord had heard us, he showed favor to us, and he blessed us with a gift of life. This life, as tiny as it was, was ours. This life, this gift, growing way deep inside, was so small, so tiny, and yet the impact that it had on my heart, my soul, was in no way small, no way tiny. For even with just a flicker of heartbeat, this tiny being made my heart beat stronger, it made me feel more alive.

All I could do for the next 10 minutes was lay there staring at the ceiling and thanking God for those 2 pink lines, for this life, and for never failing me. Then it occurred to me how often my husband Chris would say, "It's going to work." "We're going to get pregnant this first time, I know it." He would say those words, and then also remind me that he had faith it would work. He would remind me to remember my faith, and to HOLD ONTO MY FAITH. So while I stressed often that perhaps it might take months or even years, he rest assured that faith would make it happen, and God did.

Still laying there I felt so blessed, now for this new life, and for my husband who's faith was so strong. I eventually rose up out bed with this new found excitement, I fluttered around the house, as if I had wings to carry me from one spot to the next, I just flew around. I imagined all sorts of things, just as any woman would who had discovered she was expecting.

I put together 2 gifts for Chris to open when he returned home from work. This first box held a fame. Inside the frame was all sorts of baby wording. And in the middle of the wording was a verse, "For with God, all things are possible". Mark 10:27. Then in the other box was a black and white photo of baby feet with the words Dreams Come True, and stuck behind the photo was the pregnancy stick! I could hardly stand the waiting.

Finally the door open and shut and I knew my love was home. I led him upstairs to our music room (which will be the nursery) and told him I had 2 early birthday presents. He was surprised and excited. He opened the frame first, and said joyfully, "Does this mean your pregnant", I of course did not answer, and told him to open the next gift. With a huge smile on his face, and a huge smile on my face, he opened the next box. He pulled out the picture, looked at me and then turned over the picture to find the test! He repeated his question, and I answered, YES!!! He quickly placed the gifts down, jumped up and embraced me. With me in his arms he looked at me so sweet and told me how excited he was. His face glimmered with happiness.

We spent that night and the next night after night, day after day, so thankful, so blessed, and so excited, and happy. There are still those scary thoughts in the back of our mind that life can be taken from us at any moment, and we do not take for granted one day, one hour, or one minute. We are holding onto our faith and trusting God to carry us through this pregnancy. Every day I pray that God keep this baby healthy and me healthy.

Conception

2009-07-11T12:01:00.001-07:00

Chris and I prayed and prayed while trying to conceive. I went into the hospital to get a procedure done to check my tube. The results showed one open tube. One answered prayer.

Next, we decided that we would chart my basal body temp daily (which was a chore). This was hard to interpret because my temp was very low.

After a few weeks we decided to use an ovulation predictor kit. We waited everyday for a positive reading we were ovulating, but we waited and waited for this...

We continued to pray and rely on on our faith.

Past Events

2009-07-07T19:31:00.001-07:00

Our First Year together was great. But, at times, very trying. We loved, lost and learned more than I ever expected we would. It would be nearly impossible to explain it all, but a few important events I will mention.

After the honeymoon...we returned to Houston to begin our new life as Husband and Wife, little did we know that during the honeymoon a new began as well. A life within me. We had conceived a miracle.

A few weeks past and soon I realized why I was feeling so ill, and so moody. To our surprise, and yes, SHOCK...we discovered we were pregnant. Chris stood in the bathroom of our apartment with me as I lifted the pregnancy test to see the results, and the results were clear...WE WERE PREGNANT.

After much of the shock wore off we were ecstatic. We dove right into the pregnancy excitement it had to offer and of course wished the sickness away. Unfortunately, God had a plan, and we discovered that plan when I was about 5 months pregnant. I had endured several trips to the doctors, hospitals, ER's and stayed in bed to try to save our little baby girl. We named her Eliana. (God answered Me). And said bye to her as she went to be with the Lord on June 5th (Chris Birthday). My water broke and there was nothing that could have been done to save her. This tragedy struck us deep and we spent the next year grieving and trying to put all our faith in God to pull us back up. The 18 1/2 hours of labor was worth it, during the last day, I felt her move inside me, a feeling I will always remember. We love you Eliana. We will always love you.

During the fist few months of the pregnancy, we decided that we would build a home. We choose KB Home, because they were within the price range and the area we needed. We loved the process and hated the process. Loved it, because designing our first home was fun, but hated it, because purchasing your first is very stressful. We were very blessed though, and was able to move into our new home in October 2008. We love our home. We live Spring. It has been allot of fun decorating, although, we still have allot untouched. I really need to get some curtains up. We had blinds put in, but curtains would make everything look more like a home. I have been shopping, but haven't found what I am looking for yet.

We had our first Christmas as a married couple in our new home. It was such a delight. I loved it!!! Gracie loved it too. She is really doing well about going "outside" and using her doggy door, that her Daddy so kindly installed.

We welcomed 2009 in hopes that this year would perhaps be a little easier, but we also we blessed to be with each other and learned more about love.

Chris Birthday was a success and bittersweet. We remembered our Eliana and celebrated his life. We knew she was with the Lord and although we still cry for her at times, we know that she is with the Lord and that God had a plan for her and this helps us as we think of her. I wanted to make his birthday special so we invited some family and friends over for a crawfish boil. It was a huge success. He had a blast. Chris built crawfish tables, I was so proud of him, such a handy man. My husband ROCKS! He really had a great time!!!

And the greatest of these...

2009-07-07T18:58:00.001-07:00

Vows

2009-07-07T18:48:00.000-07:00

The Ceremony

2009-07-07T18:40:00.001-07:00

Two families

2009-07-07T18:29:00.001-07:00

Parents of the Groom

2009-07-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

Parents of the Bride

2009-07-07T18:18:00.001-07:00

2009-07-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

His Guys:

Best Man: Shawn Andel

Groomsmen: Christopher Pollard, Nirada Jones, Brent McCaughley,Paul Hoghlbaugh, Steven Kasper, Kale, Barry

Ushers: Josh Wright, Joey Benge

2009-07-07T16:54:00.000-07:00

2009-07-07T16:04:00.000-07:00

My Bridesmaids

2009-07-07T15:48:00.001-07:00

Thank you to my girls for being in my wedding, supporting me all these years and for all the times we cried and laughed I love each and every one of you.

Matron of Honor: Star Scaife

Bridesmaids:

In Order of Picture

Brittany Kasper

Tricia Fitzgerald

Amber Hoghlbaugh

Rachel Kline

Alison Pollard

Chelsie Eggleston

Robin Sicoli

Our Ring Bearers

2009-07-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

Flower Girls

2009-07-07T15:25:00.001-07:00

My Bridal Shower

2009-07-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

My Bridal Shower was hosted by my Best Friend, and Matron of Honor, Star Scaife. It was unbelievable. She way out did herself, and the entire event was fabulous. I am so grateful for her hard work, thought fullness and gentle spirit that made this event so rememberable. I will forever be blessed by her friendship and many acts of kindness.

Also, I am so thankful for all those that attended and for their beautiful gifts that Chris and I received.

2009-07-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

My Bridal Gown...

2009-07-07T13:37:00.000-07:00

Before I finally found my wedding gown, I looked around. You know how hard it is to find ''the dress''. I went to about 3 places before selecting my gown from the Princess Bridal. I had allot of fun trying on gowns and really enjoyed looking at all the styles. The Princess Bridal was a beautiful gown store, with so much to choose from, and really took the time to help you decide on the perfect dress. If you are looking for a dress or wedding party attire, go to Princess Bridal, you will be so pleased.

Our Engagement

2009-07-07T13:03:00.000-07:00

Chris proposed during a photo shoot. We had gone in to get pictures taken of us and Gracie, and he surprised me by proposing at the end of the shoot. We were wrapping things up and taking a few more shots, then the the photographer said look down, and there was my prince, on one knee, holding the most beautiful ring!!! I caught my breath, and he said, "Will you marry me?"

I cried and said, "Yes!" It was amazing. It was wonderful to have had the whole thing captured in a picture for us to keep. I will always remember that day.

How We Met...

2009-06-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

Ever seen "You've Got Mail"? Yep, we met online. Houston Connect, to be exact. Strange as it sounds, the dating scene is not easy. After several years of meeting Mr. Wrong and Mrs. Wrong, we both found ourselves on the world wide web, searching and praying for our soul mate. And as it turned out, God works in mysterious ways, or might we say, he works with technology...

We found ourselves reading about one another and glancing at photographs. We both knew that there had to be common ground in certain areas of our life. Faith. Family. and a few others...

And then of course, we kept chatting online. Everyday we looked forward to chatting and getting to know each other online. Then after awhile, we talked on the phone. Chris invited me to a Crawfish Boil with some friends, but I did not want to go alone to meet, and timing was off. We would have to wait to meet. A week or so would pass, and we kept talking, chatting and finally the day came...

I (Darla) called Chris during a drive home from work to ask him if he wanted to meet. To his surprise, I wanted to meet that evening, and he was game. He helped me find my way home (I was lost)---what a surprise)...and then that evening we met, for the first time, for dinner at Barton Springs. Both very nervous and very excited. The night was perfect. It was love at first sight. We talked so much the waiter kept having to come back over to ask us for our order, and we kept making him come back again and again, we were so busy getting to know each other, and lost in the moment, who felt like eating...

Eventually we did eat, and then went for a short ride on Chris' bike. I remember feeling like the girl in Top Gun. It was awesome. He was amazing.

And so that's how we met....cool hugh!