"Time"

I know that this will sound weird, but I find myself asking myself what on earth am I going to do with my time. Weird right? Especially strange given that I am a new mom to a 2 month year old...but it is true. Let me try to explain. Last night it hit me that I am waiting all day for what to do next. My time is used so differently, and no, I am in no way complaining, but boy is it different. I told Chris last night, as I broke down crying", holding Tristan, I looked at him and explained that I wasn't sure what to do until midnight (which is when we go to sleep). I even admitted that I was waiting for that. I mean what else do I wait for...nothing really. I find it hard trying to explain it now as I write, but I need to, because I feel this is important, and strange, and one day maybe I will want to recall this memory. So, back to my "time" issue, yeah, so I am just wondering what to do sometimes, allot of times. When I am watching Tristan, or caring for him, I cannot do anything else, pretty much, and so I am staring at him, or nursing him, or talking to him, or trying to play or sing to him, hoping he will smile and melt my heart, which he does --allot :) But honestly, I look at the clock and only 5 minutes has passed and I am like, "what, it's only _____ o clock, and what the heck do I do next". Get the idea? So I am telling Chris this and he laughs, but understands. Seriously, it is becoming hard for him to figure out what to do, does it get better? I am guessing yes. When Tristan is being cared for by Chris it is simple, I know that I am going to do this and that and this and that, and I do it, and then come back to Tristan. I am so happy being a Mommy and he is one of my greatest blessings, but my time is passing day by day and I am wondering what I am doing with it all (time I mean). Does this little tiny human being know that he rules my world, and that it is all for him, all of our time? Probably not, but that is ok. I love that I can devote my time and I am truly blessed that I get to be with him all day and night, and I wouldn't change anything, I am just trying to adjust I guess. I remember when I spent my time on myself and now I spend it all (for the most part) on the 2nd love of my life, my beautiful baby boy, Tritan Dean. I love you baby boy.